What kind of KIND?

~What kind of KIND?~
("making nice" vs. "kind-but-firm" when dealing with a Bully)

When faced with difficult situations, particularly as regards the bullying behaviors of others from whom I must nevertheless solicit cooperation (such as a teacher or a co-worker or the like), I have tended [unwittingly] towards this motto - "Kill them with kindness." And I even thought this was godliness - consider that "The man whose ways please the Lord makes even his enemies to be at peace with him." [Proverbs 16:7]

I have, thus, gone out of my way to be friendly, to respond to the bullying with a smile and even a clever remark back intended to convey that I'm laughing WITH the bully rather than being brought down BY the bully, and I have used what I now realize to be excessive sweetnees, and niceness - showing concern over their struggles and difficulties, giving them gifts that show I'm being thoughtful of them, etc. - as a way of trying to "get them" to do what I want or need them to do. Which might be anything from giving me a good (fair?) grade to ensuring that a shipment confirmation gets sent to a customer as required.

No doubt, I could explode this topic with a series of examples that would probably cause you to go into shock as all the appearances of boldness on my part wither under the fiery stares of brutish people, and I immediately flop about trying to make them happy so that what I need to have done will get done.....

This is NOT "making peace" with my enemies.

This is manipulating with niceness.

And this is NOT biblical "kindness" which has wrapped up in it a component of resolute truth-telling which leads to repentance!

[Romans 2:4, Galatians 5:22-23, Romans 11:22, 2 Corinthians 6:1-13]

Truth is? I "make nice" to try to CHANGE people - not for THEIR good, but to a) make them see me in a favorable light so that b) I can be more productive.

We use the expression - "kill them with kindness." And by this we have some concept of "pouring out nice" to "get back nice" as if such qualities really are all about karma. And/or as Christians, we might even spiritualize it as some kind of divine right to revenge that we are staving off now with the expectation God will zap them later. [Romans 12:20] (which is at best a warped understanding of what it means to "heap burning coals on their head" which has more to do with making of others a sacrificial OFFERING than it does any reference to eternal damnation....)

But what if we were REALLY "kind" to them?

Is it not a kindness for a surgeon to cut off the gangrene-infected limb? Is it not just that kind of kindness by means of which God himself leads US to repentance and thus salvation (and peace with God)? [Sometimes what is most needed is accurate diagnosis and even creating hurt (scalpel to tender flesh) to bring about healing.]

What if "being nice" or "sweet" is just another way of serving my OWN ends? (ie - feeding my own heart idols, such as fear of man? or being perfectionistic in whatever else I do?)

What if "being KIND" includes being WISE - and both standing up to bullies as well as drawing a line in the sand and KINDLY but firmly saying that THIS behavior is UNACCEPTABLE and unless you repent, there can be no true PEACE between us. A "cease-fire" perhaps, but no peace. [or put another way, "I will not allow you to bully me in this way anymore - it is not good for me, and it is not good for you - and if that means I can't 'save the day' this time, then so be it..."]

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Lord, make me a woman characterised by the COMPATIBLE [intermingled] fruits of KINDNESS, GENTLENESS, rejoicing together with the TRUTH, and WISDOM....and let me not BE a bully, myself, in my zeal....