My mind is toying with two sides of one coin.
I desire one and cannot have it;
I do not desire the other, but could have it rather than having nothing.
I find I want to "manipulate" the one I don't want so that I don't have to wait for what I do desire....
This is an idolatry! I can "feel" it is such, because the arguments with which I am trying to persuade myself sound like "You shouldn't have to wait any longer," and "You know it would be better to have SOMEthing rather than NOthing," and "It wouldn't really be disobeying God....he could stop you if it wasn't meant to be, and maybe you'll find you're happier in the long run!"
Sick, sinister, manipulative, Indwelling Sin, my ENEMY!
I will not.
I will wait.