I am still "blogging" - but you can find me, now, at this location:
http://grace2grow.wordpress.com/
Thank you for following me to my new address!
God bless!
~Leah
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Personal. Show all posts
23 March, 2012
17 January, 2012
Who's Quenching Whom?
I heard a sermon last night that claimed "charismatics" are the ones who are actually guilty of "quenching" the Spirit of God because they don't give priority to the primary work of the Spirit, namely ~ sanctification.
This is such a WILD generilization, for one; but for two, the evidences we see in Scripture of the Lord pouring out his Spirit (consider the book of Acts) actually trend more to a reality where those who are "filled" with the Spirit are far more OTHERS focused; they're going out and boldly proclaiming the Word, they're going out and ministering in miraculous ways to people in need....
This preacher's emphasis on sanctification is not altogether inappropriate, but it seems to me that the church as a whole trends towards legalism (*and I've been chief among them!*) and AWAY from the fullness of the Spirit when all we're concerned about is how good we look in the "spiritual mirror" (self-focused) rather than being FIRST concerned with a passionate pursuit of God and the revelation of his love which then COMPELS us outward from ourselves....
Surely there are those of us, as genuine believers, who are guilty of "quenching" the Spirit on all sides of the cube ~ but why would you preach in such a way as to deliberately lead your people into drawing a comparison with other believers only to conclude "Oh, see? we aren't experiencing the dramatic love of God or miraculous signs and wonders, but that means we're BETTER and more RIGHTEOUS in our walk with God, and not that perhaps we have missed the mark in pursuing the ABUNDANT LIFE he promised and pours out for and in us, and not that perhaps we haven't tasted of the RIVER of life that is to flow out of us."
I'm particularly bent out of shape over this as I have a great deal of respect for this particular preacher, but I think he is DANGEROUSLY wrong on this, and leading his body (and the potential millions he influences through other media) into further feeling comfortable for altogether AVOIDING the very Spirit of God with whom we've been UNITED for Jesus' sake!
This is such a WILD generilization, for one; but for two, the evidences we see in Scripture of the Lord pouring out his Spirit (consider the book of Acts) actually trend more to a reality where those who are "filled" with the Spirit are far more OTHERS focused; they're going out and boldly proclaiming the Word, they're going out and ministering in miraculous ways to people in need....
This preacher's emphasis on sanctification is not altogether inappropriate, but it seems to me that the church as a whole trends towards legalism (*and I've been chief among them!*) and AWAY from the fullness of the Spirit when all we're concerned about is how good we look in the "spiritual mirror" (self-focused) rather than being FIRST concerned with a passionate pursuit of God and the revelation of his love which then COMPELS us outward from ourselves....
Surely there are those of us, as genuine believers, who are guilty of "quenching" the Spirit on all sides of the cube ~ but why would you preach in such a way as to deliberately lead your people into drawing a comparison with other believers only to conclude "Oh, see? we aren't experiencing the dramatic love of God or miraculous signs and wonders, but that means we're BETTER and more RIGHTEOUS in our walk with God, and not that perhaps we have missed the mark in pursuing the ABUNDANT LIFE he promised and pours out for and in us, and not that perhaps we haven't tasted of the RIVER of life that is to flow out of us."
I'm particularly bent out of shape over this as I have a great deal of respect for this particular preacher, but I think he is DANGEROUSLY wrong on this, and leading his body (and the potential millions he influences through other media) into further feeling comfortable for altogether AVOIDING the very Spirit of God with whom we've been UNITED for Jesus' sake!
27 December, 2011
God's LOVE is Not Tolerance!
A personal revelation.
Too often, we (Christians) live as though God's love for us is merely some kind of tolerance. As if he's sitting up in heaven, some very great distance away from us, murmuring to himself, "Oh, bother, they've slipped up again. Good thing I'll work that out for good, eventually!...." or "WHEN will they ever LEARN! Good thing they'll die and get to Glory, eventually! I can't wait to finally make them holy; THEN they'll be acceptable...."
This is INSIDIOUS!
As if our God is somehow surprised by our weakness and failure? As if the price of Jesus' blood was somehow insufficient to accomplish the work of securing us in the affection of God for all eternity? Has he not known ALL from the beginning? To the extent that when we see Jesus revealed in his glory, he is described as appearing "as a lamb SLAIN FROM THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE WORLD!" (see Rev. 5:6, 13:8) In God's economy, the cross was already a FINISHED work. We just didn't see that manifest until Jesus made the declaration, hanging there ~ ("It is FINISHED!" see Jn 19:30) ~ the ultimate agony for ecstasy! (see Heb. 12:1-3)
(Or do you think perhaps that "insidious" is too strong a word? Ah, but how much of a prison it has been to me, thinking that I only ever continue to FAIL to please my Father? What is my snare? if not the fact I have failed to realize and receive his LOVE? GOD DOES NOT "TOLERATE" HIS CHILDREN! If God "tolerates" anything, it could be said he TOLERATES evil, he TOLERATES the evil-doer. But God LOVES his children, and in them he is WELL-pleased, because of Jesus! This is absolutely STAGGERING! If we would but grasp it, even if unsee-ingly! nevertheless by Faith! Thank you, Lord!)
No WONDER we continue to give ourselves over to sin as though it still has a death-grip on us! We haven't really reckoned ourselves as dead to sin (see Romans 6), and why? Could it be that we haven't been captivated by the UNFAILING, SUPERCEDING, CROSSING-ALL-SPACE-AND-TIME TO PURSUE AND WOO US LOVE of our Father, God.
Our awareness of our weakness is only intended to fan the flame of our JOYFUL dependence! Our Father does not condemn us; he HIMSELF took on our condemnation, so we are not just free FROM sin, but free TO love HIM!
It's not just "the greatest story ever told." It's the greatest LOVE story ever told!
Oh, Lord God, my good Father, help me ALWAYS remember, I am not merely tolerated, I am dearly BELOVED! because of Jesus ~ for HIS sake, for YOUR glory, and for MY joy!
Too often, we (Christians) live as though God's love for us is merely some kind of tolerance. As if he's sitting up in heaven, some very great distance away from us, murmuring to himself, "Oh, bother, they've slipped up again. Good thing I'll work that out for good, eventually!...." or "WHEN will they ever LEARN! Good thing they'll die and get to Glory, eventually! I can't wait to finally make them holy; THEN they'll be acceptable...."
This is INSIDIOUS!
As if our God is somehow surprised by our weakness and failure? As if the price of Jesus' blood was somehow insufficient to accomplish the work of securing us in the affection of God for all eternity? Has he not known ALL from the beginning? To the extent that when we see Jesus revealed in his glory, he is described as appearing "as a lamb SLAIN FROM THE FOUNDATIONS OF THE WORLD!" (see Rev. 5:6, 13:8) In God's economy, the cross was already a FINISHED work. We just didn't see that manifest until Jesus made the declaration, hanging there ~ ("It is FINISHED!" see Jn 19:30) ~ the ultimate agony for ecstasy! (see Heb. 12:1-3)
(Or do you think perhaps that "insidious" is too strong a word? Ah, but how much of a prison it has been to me, thinking that I only ever continue to FAIL to please my Father? What is my snare? if not the fact I have failed to realize and receive his LOVE? GOD DOES NOT "TOLERATE" HIS CHILDREN! If God "tolerates" anything, it could be said he TOLERATES evil, he TOLERATES the evil-doer. But God LOVES his children, and in them he is WELL-pleased, because of Jesus! This is absolutely STAGGERING! If we would but grasp it, even if unsee-ingly! nevertheless by Faith! Thank you, Lord!)
No WONDER we continue to give ourselves over to sin as though it still has a death-grip on us! We haven't really reckoned ourselves as dead to sin (see Romans 6), and why? Could it be that we haven't been captivated by the UNFAILING, SUPERCEDING, CROSSING-ALL-SPACE-AND-TIME TO PURSUE AND WOO US LOVE of our Father, God.
Our awareness of our weakness is only intended to fan the flame of our JOYFUL dependence! Our Father does not condemn us; he HIMSELF took on our condemnation, so we are not just free FROM sin, but free TO love HIM!
It's not just "the greatest story ever told." It's the greatest LOVE story ever told!
Oh, Lord God, my good Father, help me ALWAYS remember, I am not merely tolerated, I am dearly BELOVED! because of Jesus ~ for HIS sake, for YOUR glory, and for MY joy!
17 November, 2011
Perfect Grace!
God's perfect holiness requires our perfect holiness, OR his perfect (eternal!) judgment on us for LACK of it.
But thanks be to God that his perfect LOVE provided a perfect substitute - Jesus! - so that he would pour out his perfect judgment & wrath on the only one who really WAS (& is & is to come) perfectly holy, so that he could pour out his grace & mercy on all of US who would find our lives hidden IN that perfect substitute - Jesus! - & WHY would God do this? Not just so we'd be LIKE him! But so that we could be WITH him! FOREVER!
This isn't fundamentally a "perfecting" story - though we are, in Christ, perfected.
This isn't ultimately a "we WIN!" story - though, in Christ, we do!
It's not a "look at us, we're so great!" story - though Christ is the lifter of our heads, and he will exalt us at the proper time! - or, as some of us tend to think, a "woe is me, if only I could be perfect without Jesus' sacrifice!" story - though our hearts ought to break with what breaks the heart of God.
This is not a "religious" story, or even primarily a "rescue" story - though we are, in Christ, really rescued!
No! This is, first of all!, a LOVE story!
****
Our holiness is not the END - it's the MEANS! That we might receive and ENJOY, NOT our own perfection!, but GOD HIMSELF!
****
If we do not have Jesus' perfection - which he FREELY gives to all who would believe on his name! - If Jesus is not our ark of safety, and we do not stand before God clothed in HIS righteousness, we cannot survive the eternal INFERNO of God's GLORY. But he does not give us Jesus' righteousness so we will merely survive; he gives us the nature and heart of Jesus so we could be one with HIM!
HE is our heaven! Glory to God for his perfect grace!
But thanks be to God that his perfect LOVE provided a perfect substitute - Jesus! - so that he would pour out his perfect judgment & wrath on the only one who really WAS (& is & is to come) perfectly holy, so that he could pour out his grace & mercy on all of US who would find our lives hidden IN that perfect substitute - Jesus! - & WHY would God do this? Not just so we'd be LIKE him! But so that we could be WITH him! FOREVER!
This isn't fundamentally a "perfecting" story - though we are, in Christ, perfected.
This isn't ultimately a "we WIN!" story - though, in Christ, we do!
It's not a "look at us, we're so great!" story - though Christ is the lifter of our heads, and he will exalt us at the proper time! - or, as some of us tend to think, a "woe is me, if only I could be perfect without Jesus' sacrifice!" story - though our hearts ought to break with what breaks the heart of God.
This is not a "religious" story, or even primarily a "rescue" story - though we are, in Christ, really rescued!
No! This is, first of all!, a LOVE story!
****
Our holiness is not the END - it's the MEANS! That we might receive and ENJOY, NOT our own perfection!, but GOD HIMSELF!
****
If we do not have Jesus' perfection - which he FREELY gives to all who would believe on his name! - If Jesus is not our ark of safety, and we do not stand before God clothed in HIS righteousness, we cannot survive the eternal INFERNO of God's GLORY. But he does not give us Jesus' righteousness so we will merely survive; he gives us the nature and heart of Jesus so we could be one with HIM!
HE is our heaven! Glory to God for his perfect grace!
02 November, 2011
Does Our "Eschatology" Rescue the Perishing?!
Just thinking out loud. Particularly as the matter of "End Times" theology has paradoxically both excited/intrigued me AND irritated/deflated me....
I LOVE considering Jesus' return! I LOVE the urgency of seeing how current events line up with biblical prophecy.
But I DESPISE how matters of interpretation about prophecies that are still largely mysterious nevertheless manage to cause HUGE divisions in the Body of Christ, and to what end? (no pun intended....) If we are divided, on matters that are NOT intrinsic to the Gospel (see prev post - I am not advocating we abandon clear truths of Scripture - but where we have perhaps loved our TEACHINGS more than the WORD? let us lay those differences aside!), are we not in our division giving up the very ground to the enemy that WE should be conquering? Land that was promised to US?
So, lately, I find myself reading much about and also now in a church that holds to a kind of "end times" perspective that is a) quite different from my previously (albeit loosely) held assumptions, and that b) has VAST implications for how I might live, today, if this is an accurate interpretation of Scripture. So much so, in fact, that I am tempted to say every other "end times" view fits pretty squarely into the "not yet" category whereas this approach with which I now find myself presented is filled to overflowing with a sense of the "already." So, in my zeal, I whipped out the following as a status update on my facebook profile several minutes ago:
What if our "eschatology" - FAR from being a peripheral concern - were to not merely "inform" but absolutely TRANSFORM the way we live our life, NOW? That is, what if our "end times theology" is the wrongly held conviction that God's Kingdom is for THEN, but not NOW? What if the so-called tension between the "already" and "not yet" is so far much more defined by the "not yet" that we LOSE the ALREADY? What if "fixing our eyes on Jesus," and "setting our mind on things above," and praying "THY KINGDOM COME, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven" is - not some social justice march, per se, but rather the RALLYING cry for an army of Christ-followers who are storming the gates of Hell to take back all those lost and captive to sin, declaring Christ as King and Victor....NOW. ALREADY. AND FOREVER!
I wonder if anyone will have anything to say about this??
O, Church, where is our URGENCY? (And how and where along the line had I lost mine?!) Where is our dependence on God's GRACE and the leading of HIS SPIRIT so that we are STILL able to GO into the ends of the earth? Did he not say we are to make disciples of EVERY nation until the END OF THE AGE? Oh, it's there, right in the text! (cf Matt28) Because his promise is to be WITH us....until when? Do you see? This means AT LEAST until every last perishing one is rescued from the clutches of sin and death! (And of course, the "rest" into which we eventually enter is nothing less than the heaven of HIS PRESENCE, so he will NEVER leave us!)
O, Church, where is our HOLINESS? Where is our relentless mortifying of the sin in our own mortal bodies, so we may WALK in the freedom Christ purchased for us, not allowing the enemy to get strongholds in our thoughts and lives, setting up fortresses in our lives and minds AGAINST the knowledge of God! Where is our pursuit of the prize? Where is the JOYFUL EXPECTATION that our faith, ONCE FOR ALL delivered to us, is that SURE thing, kept and preserved by Christ himself - Do we not know whom we have believed? Are we not persuaded that HE is able to keep that which we've committed unto him against that day? And if we ARE, then why are we weak and whimpering and fattening ourselves in the day of slaughter when we were made MORE THAN CONQUERORS through Christ?!
O, ME of little faith! How I have sat, wearied by my own sin and frailty, longing and frantically searching for Home when I had the ruby slippers all along....GET UP, WOMAN!
You were made for more than this!
His grace IS sufficient for you!
His power IS perfected in your weakness!
Now is not the time for grieving! Now is the time for LAYING HOLD of the promises of God, not in weakness but in the strength of HIS might!
Sit no longer under the weight of merely enduring this life until you can be holy in the next!
O, Church! The Gates of Hell cannot prevail against us - Since when do gates launch an attack? Are they not stationary, trying merely to prevent OUR advance?
So what ought we to be doing? Standing STILL??
I LOVE considering Jesus' return! I LOVE the urgency of seeing how current events line up with biblical prophecy.
But I DESPISE how matters of interpretation about prophecies that are still largely mysterious nevertheless manage to cause HUGE divisions in the Body of Christ, and to what end? (no pun intended....) If we are divided, on matters that are NOT intrinsic to the Gospel (see prev post - I am not advocating we abandon clear truths of Scripture - but where we have perhaps loved our TEACHINGS more than the WORD? let us lay those differences aside!), are we not in our division giving up the very ground to the enemy that WE should be conquering? Land that was promised to US?
So, lately, I find myself reading much about and also now in a church that holds to a kind of "end times" perspective that is a) quite different from my previously (albeit loosely) held assumptions, and that b) has VAST implications for how I might live, today, if this is an accurate interpretation of Scripture. So much so, in fact, that I am tempted to say every other "end times" view fits pretty squarely into the "not yet" category whereas this approach with which I now find myself presented is filled to overflowing with a sense of the "already." So, in my zeal, I whipped out the following as a status update on my facebook profile several minutes ago:
What if our "eschatology" - FAR from being a peripheral concern - were to not merely "inform" but absolutely TRANSFORM the way we live our life, NOW? That is, what if our "end times theology" is the wrongly held conviction that God's Kingdom is for THEN, but not NOW? What if the so-called tension between the "already" and "not yet" is so far much more defined by the "not yet" that we LOSE the ALREADY? What if "fixing our eyes on Jesus," and "setting our mind on things above," and praying "THY KINGDOM COME, thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven" is - not some social justice march, per se, but rather the RALLYING cry for an army of Christ-followers who are storming the gates of Hell to take back all those lost and captive to sin, declaring Christ as King and Victor....NOW. ALREADY. AND FOREVER!
I wonder if anyone will have anything to say about this??
O, Church, where is our URGENCY? (And how and where along the line had I lost mine?!) Where is our dependence on God's GRACE and the leading of HIS SPIRIT so that we are STILL able to GO into the ends of the earth? Did he not say we are to make disciples of EVERY nation until the END OF THE AGE? Oh, it's there, right in the text! (cf Matt28) Because his promise is to be WITH us....until when? Do you see? This means AT LEAST until every last perishing one is rescued from the clutches of sin and death! (And of course, the "rest" into which we eventually enter is nothing less than the heaven of HIS PRESENCE, so he will NEVER leave us!)
O, Church, where is our HOLINESS? Where is our relentless mortifying of the sin in our own mortal bodies, so we may WALK in the freedom Christ purchased for us, not allowing the enemy to get strongholds in our thoughts and lives, setting up fortresses in our lives and minds AGAINST the knowledge of God! Where is our pursuit of the prize? Where is the JOYFUL EXPECTATION that our faith, ONCE FOR ALL delivered to us, is that SURE thing, kept and preserved by Christ himself - Do we not know whom we have believed? Are we not persuaded that HE is able to keep that which we've committed unto him against that day? And if we ARE, then why are we weak and whimpering and fattening ourselves in the day of slaughter when we were made MORE THAN CONQUERORS through Christ?!
O, ME of little faith! How I have sat, wearied by my own sin and frailty, longing and frantically searching for Home when I had the ruby slippers all along....GET UP, WOMAN!
You were made for more than this!
His grace IS sufficient for you!
His power IS perfected in your weakness!
Now is not the time for grieving! Now is the time for LAYING HOLD of the promises of God, not in weakness but in the strength of HIS might!
Sit no longer under the weight of merely enduring this life until you can be holy in the next!
O, Church! The Gates of Hell cannot prevail against us - Since when do gates launch an attack? Are they not stationary, trying merely to prevent OUR advance?
So what ought we to be doing? Standing STILL??
19 October, 2011
I'm Desperate For You!
Some reflections on last night and this morning, as I am conscious of the fact the Lord has been more about "wrecking" me than (at least as it seems) "refreshing" me in this corporate "revival."
******
We sing that we are "desperate" for the presence of God, but do we really know what we're singing? I am experientially realizing that genuine revival has to start where the Lord INCREASES OUR DESPERATION. A repeated word being spoken over me these days is in essence that "demolition precedes the rebuilding"....
An analogy from losing weight - because toxins are stored in our fat cells, when we begin to lose weight, especially any significant amount, those toxins get released into our bloodstream, and we begin to experientially FEEL worse, even though we are actually being CLEANSED! These toxins MUST be unlocked from the cells where they've been stored in order to get into the body's transport system so they can be expelled, and the body can....HEAL.
So, I thank you, Lord, for the KINDNESS of your demolishing work in the idol-factory of my heart. However much it increases my DESPERATION, I receive this as your PROMISE that you WILL come and fill the empty places and bring RESTORATION!
~L
******
We sing that we are "desperate" for the presence of God, but do we really know what we're singing? I am experientially realizing that genuine revival has to start where the Lord INCREASES OUR DESPERATION. A repeated word being spoken over me these days is in essence that "demolition precedes the rebuilding"....
An analogy from losing weight - because toxins are stored in our fat cells, when we begin to lose weight, especially any significant amount, those toxins get released into our bloodstream, and we begin to experientially FEEL worse, even though we are actually being CLEANSED! These toxins MUST be unlocked from the cells where they've been stored in order to get into the body's transport system so they can be expelled, and the body can....HEAL.
So, I thank you, Lord, for the KINDNESS of your demolishing work in the idol-factory of my heart. However much it increases my DESPERATION, I receive this as your PROMISE that you WILL come and fill the empty places and bring RESTORATION!
~L
18 October, 2011
Made for a Greater Song
"WHAT IF" the text FOLLOWING "ever be filled with the Holy Spirit" in Eph. 5:18 is really Paul's explanation of HOW to be filled? Namely: "Speak out to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, offering praise with voices [and instruments] and making melody with all your ♥ to the Lord...."
"WHAT IF" this kind of music-making and singing with thankFULLness from the ♥ is NOT the mere "emotional self-indulgence" some of us have been told it is -
"WHAT IF" this is at least one of the very ways God designed us to COMMUNE with him in our spirit?
"WHAT IF" I had not "received" the seed of this rebuke when I was young - that I ought not be so emotional in singing my ♥ out in praise and worship, with full abandon!
"WHAT IF" that, then, wasn't as self-focused, as all about "me" and "my" feelings; but instead was, perhaps, a child-like expression of genuine hunger and a chasing after God? Is it any wonder, then, that now being given "permission" to SING FROM MY TOES! would begin to have a total transforming effect on my ♥ AFFECTION for God?!
"WHAT IF" the "proper" and "respectful" and "reserved" and "orderly" singing that I grew to treasure as oh-so-reverent (not that there isn't a place for it, but it is only ONE FACET of making music in our ♥'s to God!) was in fact one of the means by which the enemy was stealing the revival of MY ♥, and I didn't even know it?
"WHAT IF" I was made for a GREATER song....
"WHAT IF" this kind of music-making and singing with thankFULLness from the ♥ is NOT the mere "emotional self-indulgence" some of us have been told it is -
"WHAT IF" this is at least one of the very ways God designed us to COMMUNE with him in our spirit?
"WHAT IF" I had not "received" the seed of this rebuke when I was young - that I ought not be so emotional in singing my ♥ out in praise and worship, with full abandon!
"WHAT IF" that, then, wasn't as self-focused, as all about "me" and "my" feelings; but instead was, perhaps, a child-like expression of genuine hunger and a chasing after God? Is it any wonder, then, that now being given "permission" to SING FROM MY TOES! would begin to have a total transforming effect on my ♥ AFFECTION for God?!
"WHAT IF" the "proper" and "respectful" and "reserved" and "orderly" singing that I grew to treasure as oh-so-reverent (not that there isn't a place for it, but it is only ONE FACET of making music in our ♥'s to God!) was in fact one of the means by which the enemy was stealing the revival of MY ♥, and I didn't even know it?
"WHAT IF" I was made for a GREATER song....
22 September, 2011
Each Church has its own Family Culture
Idealistically, every church wd be "like-minded" w/respect to the Gospel. I realize that they aren't, but for our purposes, let's assume that the Gospel is the undisputed common denominator. (!)
Even if all churches were like-minded with respect to the salvation of Christ and Christ alone, they would, nevertheless, still each have their own "Family Culture."
Recently, it has been impressed upon me that there are at least three other things which I must consider when trying to decide to what church body I am being called to join myself. (And I'll admit, perhaps this is only a luxury such as here in west Michigan where there is a church on every street corner....)
1) Personality,
2) Mission,
3) Community.
A short word about each:
Personality - this is almost equivalent to a "style" question, but that's not all I mean by this. But at least this "corporate personality" has to do with formal versus casual, loud versus quiet. How do we worship? How do we outwardly express our love for God? How do we interact with non-believers both outside and in our midst?
By way of example, in my previous church, the "personality" is more formal, more with a view to the "reverent awe" of God and a more classical approach to the music style (I do not even mean by "classical" merely all hymns, but more like trained musicianship and a love for the polished, more cultivated endeavors whether choir or concert pianists, etc.) which has as its emphasis the offering of excellence to God. In my current church, the "personality" is much more FREE with respect to style - people stand, sit, dance, jump, have arms raised and faces lifted upwards, or sit with their head in their hands; the view is more to "expressive love" for God (which is widely acknowledged as a more subjective thing), and an eager hope to receive FROM him as we worship, which has as its emphasis the enjoyment of God's presence WITH his body.
Mission - this has more to do with the main forward thrust of the church. It COULD be related to Personality, if the primary "mission" of the body is "worship," for example. But I mean by this more - what is the main thing our body has a heart and gifting for? In my previous church, the main "mission" of the church was doctrinal excellence wrapped up with family ministry, so training up children in the solid, doctrinal truths of Scripture is a huge value, and thus the primary "evangelistic" thrust of the church takes the form of, for example, adoption ministries and short-term missions trips for teens with accompanying parents when possible. In the church body I've been attending of late, the main "mission" of the church seems to spring from a very vibrant "First Love" for Christ, so there is a hunger for street evangelism in our own community, and reaching out to the poor - and, in a way that touches me very deeply, this church is (as Paul said of the Macedonians) "giving out of their own poverty."
Community - This could also be perceived as a kind of style or personality thing, but by this I mean at least a couple different things, which again I feel constrained to explain (ooh, nice inner rhyme!) by example. In my previous church, the "community" is so family-centric, that there is a sense in which creating an interdependent community with one another in the body is a very small "felt-need" (unless, as I am, you happen to be single). How you meet one anothers' needs is first from WITHIN your own, immediate family. Only if you fail (mm, yes, I want to use this word) to meet your own needs, do you then reach outside where you will find ready, willing, and able other families who will help you. In my current church, the "community" seems to be far more about individuals coming together in a way that the BODY is the primary family unit, so there is a great emphasis on being intentional about cultivating the church family in thriving, small group get-togethers ("Life Groups"), where as perhaps an extension of the personality and mission of this particular body, these people are very proactive in engaging and ministering to one another. They don't wait for you to come to them with a need - they collectively listen for the Lord's leading and seek each other out to FIND ways to minister to one another. (I am not sure if I am drawing this distinction very well, but I can "intuit" the difference, and it is rather profound!)
So where do you (I) fit - how do you (we) line up?
I have a theory (and you knew I would, didn't you?) -
Were we in a geographical region where we didn't have the luxury of all the other "trappings" of what it means to be a church family, GOSPEL would be THE binding unity, and we would probably be far less likely to SEE other difference cuz we'd be fighting for the basis of our faith life. But as we DO, by God's grace, have the luxury of much more "peace" in our current setting, we have opportunities to grow and expand and explore and think and ponder (let's stay in the positive, for now ;)), and by virtue of not being on the front lines, we get to enjoy certain differences and distinctions - which, I hope to God, do not also divide us unnecessarily.....
In short, my theory is that these 3 things I've just mentioned would "fall away" in importance during times of persecution, and by God's grace it is precisely in seasons of such refining that the Gospel shines the more brilliantly and with a clarity that all true believers will unwaveringly cling to. But while we have the luxury of "exploring" our differences, I hope that they nevertheless do not detract us from fixing our eyes on Jesus, or loving each other well and in a way that honors God, but rather that such explorations would aid us IN these endeavors, as it is, after all, JESUS ALONE whom we are persuing!
I hope, to put it another way, that we are not erring on the side of merely loving God with all of our MIND and SOUL over this way, and all of our HEART over that way, and all of our STRENGTH over there....but that we would endeavor to love God with ALL of our mind, soul, heart and strength - in all ways, in all times, with all people, to the glory of God and the edification and beautification of his Body whom he has purchased by his own blood.
Thank you, Lord!
~L
Even if all churches were like-minded with respect to the salvation of Christ and Christ alone, they would, nevertheless, still each have their own "Family Culture."
Recently, it has been impressed upon me that there are at least three other things which I must consider when trying to decide to what church body I am being called to join myself. (And I'll admit, perhaps this is only a luxury such as here in west Michigan where there is a church on every street corner....)
1) Personality,
2) Mission,
3) Community.
A short word about each:
Personality - this is almost equivalent to a "style" question, but that's not all I mean by this. But at least this "corporate personality" has to do with formal versus casual, loud versus quiet. How do we worship? How do we outwardly express our love for God? How do we interact with non-believers both outside and in our midst?
By way of example, in my previous church, the "personality" is more formal, more with a view to the "reverent awe" of God and a more classical approach to the music style (I do not even mean by "classical" merely all hymns, but more like trained musicianship and a love for the polished, more cultivated endeavors whether choir or concert pianists, etc.) which has as its emphasis the offering of excellence to God. In my current church, the "personality" is much more FREE with respect to style - people stand, sit, dance, jump, have arms raised and faces lifted upwards, or sit with their head in their hands; the view is more to "expressive love" for God (which is widely acknowledged as a more subjective thing), and an eager hope to receive FROM him as we worship, which has as its emphasis the enjoyment of God's presence WITH his body.
Mission - this has more to do with the main forward thrust of the church. It COULD be related to Personality, if the primary "mission" of the body is "worship," for example. But I mean by this more - what is the main thing our body has a heart and gifting for? In my previous church, the main "mission" of the church was doctrinal excellence wrapped up with family ministry, so training up children in the solid, doctrinal truths of Scripture is a huge value, and thus the primary "evangelistic" thrust of the church takes the form of, for example, adoption ministries and short-term missions trips for teens with accompanying parents when possible. In the church body I've been attending of late, the main "mission" of the church seems to spring from a very vibrant "First Love" for Christ, so there is a hunger for street evangelism in our own community, and reaching out to the poor - and, in a way that touches me very deeply, this church is (as Paul said of the Macedonians) "giving out of their own poverty."
Community - This could also be perceived as a kind of style or personality thing, but by this I mean at least a couple different things, which again I feel constrained to explain (ooh, nice inner rhyme!) by example. In my previous church, the "community" is so family-centric, that there is a sense in which creating an interdependent community with one another in the body is a very small "felt-need" (unless, as I am, you happen to be single). How you meet one anothers' needs is first from WITHIN your own, immediate family. Only if you fail (mm, yes, I want to use this word) to meet your own needs, do you then reach outside where you will find ready, willing, and able other families who will help you. In my current church, the "community" seems to be far more about individuals coming together in a way that the BODY is the primary family unit, so there is a great emphasis on being intentional about cultivating the church family in thriving, small group get-togethers ("Life Groups"), where as perhaps an extension of the personality and mission of this particular body, these people are very proactive in engaging and ministering to one another. They don't wait for you to come to them with a need - they collectively listen for the Lord's leading and seek each other out to FIND ways to minister to one another. (I am not sure if I am drawing this distinction very well, but I can "intuit" the difference, and it is rather profound!)
So where do you (I) fit - how do you (we) line up?
I have a theory (and you knew I would, didn't you?) -
Were we in a geographical region where we didn't have the luxury of all the other "trappings" of what it means to be a church family, GOSPEL would be THE binding unity, and we would probably be far less likely to SEE other difference cuz we'd be fighting for the basis of our faith life. But as we DO, by God's grace, have the luxury of much more "peace" in our current setting, we have opportunities to grow and expand and explore and think and ponder (let's stay in the positive, for now ;)), and by virtue of not being on the front lines, we get to enjoy certain differences and distinctions - which, I hope to God, do not also divide us unnecessarily.....
In short, my theory is that these 3 things I've just mentioned would "fall away" in importance during times of persecution, and by God's grace it is precisely in seasons of such refining that the Gospel shines the more brilliantly and with a clarity that all true believers will unwaveringly cling to. But while we have the luxury of "exploring" our differences, I hope that they nevertheless do not detract us from fixing our eyes on Jesus, or loving each other well and in a way that honors God, but rather that such explorations would aid us IN these endeavors, as it is, after all, JESUS ALONE whom we are persuing!
I hope, to put it another way, that we are not erring on the side of merely loving God with all of our MIND and SOUL over this way, and all of our HEART over that way, and all of our STRENGTH over there....but that we would endeavor to love God with ALL of our mind, soul, heart and strength - in all ways, in all times, with all people, to the glory of God and the edification and beautification of his Body whom he has purchased by his own blood.
Thank you, Lord!
~L
Like Insurgents
Thank you, Lord, for your mercy! for your patience & the gentleness w/which you discipline (train up!) your children! Empower me to "put on" your love towards others, today.
You are an ENLARGER of territories!
Father, I pray you would continue to gain victory over the territories of my ♥heart♥ ~ You have conquered sin & death, but like Insurgents, they keep rising up as if to overthrow your good work.
Let me not again be subject to a yoke of slavery!
~L
You are an ENLARGER of territories!
Father, I pray you would continue to gain victory over the territories of my ♥heart♥ ~ You have conquered sin & death, but like Insurgents, they keep rising up as if to overthrow your good work.
Let me not again be subject to a yoke of slavery!
~L
09 September, 2011
Squeezed Out
I've long desired to return to school for my Master's degree - especially if said school could be a seminary or ministry school. Though I've recently had occasion to (again) reflect on the events in my life over the past couple years, and I see how the cumulative circumstances of my experiences have been a far more thorough "schooling"....
Experiences which have been exceedingly stressful, emotionally draining if not damaging, and have surfaced in every facet of life from work to church to friendships to family to trying to maximize my singleness for God's glory....
To borrow from some unknown someone, more clever than myself, I've been squeezed like a tube of toothpaste, and much of what has oozed out has not been a sweet aroma before the Lord. Nevertheless, I shall choose to be grateful that he continues to conform me to the likeness of Christ even if I go kicking and screaming in the process. :)
After all, if he squeezes it OUT, it is no longer IN me, right?? Let's hope to God. :)
Lord, let me be faithful, and never cease! to mortify my flesh, to always "be killing sin" so it is not killing me. By the grace of God. Thank you for your unceasing mercy and that you are slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love!
Experiences which have been exceedingly stressful, emotionally draining if not damaging, and have surfaced in every facet of life from work to church to friendships to family to trying to maximize my singleness for God's glory....
To borrow from some unknown someone, more clever than myself, I've been squeezed like a tube of toothpaste, and much of what has oozed out has not been a sweet aroma before the Lord. Nevertheless, I shall choose to be grateful that he continues to conform me to the likeness of Christ even if I go kicking and screaming in the process. :)
After all, if he squeezes it OUT, it is no longer IN me, right?? Let's hope to God. :)
Lord, let me be faithful, and never cease! to mortify my flesh, to always "be killing sin" so it is not killing me. By the grace of God. Thank you for your unceasing mercy and that you are slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love!
01 September, 2011
Deceived and Delighting in it
Recently, I had occasion to speak with a friend's dad - this man who has had a tumultous, even abusive relationship with his son from the beginning. I knew, going in, that this was possibly a demonized man, and so had prayed for discernment.
As he spoke, it was as if he had behind him a wardrober FULL of different spirits - all evil - so that he was actually switching from one to the next to the next, changing spirits like cloaks, savoring each one as he would take on a different form, even if only momentarily. The activity seriously resembled insanity as he worked himself into a lather by the end of the conversation, putting on verbally violent theatrics, yelling and screaming like it brought him some deep, perverse pleasure. Which, knowing my own indulgences and susceptibility to temptation, it probably did just that.
I could "see" the spirits, but perhaps more powerfully, I was able, in brief glimpses, to see through to the man who desperately needs Jesus' deliverance. Between "costume changes," I saw a shriveled, weak, frail, broken man, like a survivor of the Holocaust - HIDING behind these spirits because he thought they EMPOWERED him, though they really ensnared him. But he LIKED being their slave. (I suppose as we all once did, before we were given the Spirit of Christ....!)
I saw his deception, and I saw his delight in it.
I wouldn't, yet, have the first idea about how to reach him - but I have recently had occasion to re-read the story in Mark 9 where Jesus tells his disciples that "This kind cannot come out except by praying and fasting." I would need to wait wholly on the Lord to empower me if I am to speak to the man, again.
For now, I was grateful for the "discernment" - I had prayed to the Lord specifically FOR it, but then also needed a couple days AFTER the conversation to "see" clearly what had transpired.
It is a helpful reminder (one I'll try to note for future interactions in a similar vein) that I NOT be overconfident in my own powers of observation, but rather 1) ask the Lord to reveal, and then 2) ask the Lord to SORT the revelation and impress the TRUTH to my understanding.
I do not know if the Lord will yet use me in this man's life, but as for the man's son, my friend, the Lord enabled me (at least!) to comprehend, better, some of the complexity of the influence this abuser has been. My friend has been engaged in full on warfare for his OWN sanity as a result; and he has been trying to "lay hold" of Christ, though he always feels salvation is beyond his grasp. I know I cannot be his assurance, but I long for it for him, nonetheless.
Trusting in God's goodness, that He has promised He will NOT lose any of His own....
As he spoke, it was as if he had behind him a wardrober FULL of different spirits - all evil - so that he was actually switching from one to the next to the next, changing spirits like cloaks, savoring each one as he would take on a different form, even if only momentarily. The activity seriously resembled insanity as he worked himself into a lather by the end of the conversation, putting on verbally violent theatrics, yelling and screaming like it brought him some deep, perverse pleasure. Which, knowing my own indulgences and susceptibility to temptation, it probably did just that.
I could "see" the spirits, but perhaps more powerfully, I was able, in brief glimpses, to see through to the man who desperately needs Jesus' deliverance. Between "costume changes," I saw a shriveled, weak, frail, broken man, like a survivor of the Holocaust - HIDING behind these spirits because he thought they EMPOWERED him, though they really ensnared him. But he LIKED being their slave. (I suppose as we all once did, before we were given the Spirit of Christ....!)
I saw his deception, and I saw his delight in it.
I wouldn't, yet, have the first idea about how to reach him - but I have recently had occasion to re-read the story in Mark 9 where Jesus tells his disciples that "This kind cannot come out except by praying and fasting." I would need to wait wholly on the Lord to empower me if I am to speak to the man, again.
For now, I was grateful for the "discernment" - I had prayed to the Lord specifically FOR it, but then also needed a couple days AFTER the conversation to "see" clearly what had transpired.
It is a helpful reminder (one I'll try to note for future interactions in a similar vein) that I NOT be overconfident in my own powers of observation, but rather 1) ask the Lord to reveal, and then 2) ask the Lord to SORT the revelation and impress the TRUTH to my understanding.
I do not know if the Lord will yet use me in this man's life, but as for the man's son, my friend, the Lord enabled me (at least!) to comprehend, better, some of the complexity of the influence this abuser has been. My friend has been engaged in full on warfare for his OWN sanity as a result; and he has been trying to "lay hold" of Christ, though he always feels salvation is beyond his grasp. I know I cannot be his assurance, but I long for it for him, nonetheless.
Trusting in God's goodness, that He has promised He will NOT lose any of His own....
12 August, 2011
Led by the Spirit ~ as a true son
The primary way we hear from God is by his WORD, his self-revelation. The Holy Spirit opens our understanding, but the Word gives us the VOICE of our Shepherd so we can know him, and follow where he leads, and enjoy his presence.
This is FIRST what is meant by "being led by the Spirit" or "walking in step with the Spirit" of God ~ Namely, that we come to see JESUS for who he is and worship him AS GOD, because the WORD that testifies to him is TRUE.
~L
(cf Romans 8, John 10)
This is FIRST what is meant by "being led by the Spirit" or "walking in step with the Spirit" of God ~ Namely, that we come to see JESUS for who he is and worship him AS GOD, because the WORD that testifies to him is TRUE.
~L
(cf Romans 8, John 10)
09 August, 2011
~ BORN AGAIN AGAIN: A Confession ~
Perhaps the most resonant theme of the past year in my life has been my prayer that the Lord would "increase my capacity" to receive more of him, to ENJOY more of him. The Lord has answered, but in such a way (as it seems to happen often) that it exposed my very small expectations, and my very over-blown sense of not only what I meant by such a request, but my own assessment of what my receiving his answer would look like. In short, what follows is my (weak) attempt at a fitting summary.
I. SOMETHING OLD
*Being Exposed ~ God uses both the sharp and powerful sword of his word and the pressure of our external circumstances to pierce even to our marrow, and his word causes us to be "laid bare before him with whom we have to do." (Hebrews 4:12-13) I heard, not long ago, that Christians are like a tube of toothpaste ~ when you squeeze them, you find out what's really inside. I've been squeezed in myriad ways, and I do not like the often rotten content that is being exposed. It is like (look back to first couple lessons from Seeking Him study) the analogy of "breaking up your fallow ground" ~ allowing the plow of God's word and Spirit to get down DEEP to the soft soil under all the hard, sunbaked exterior, and the churning and cutting and grinding and tearing that has to take place to expose the soft underside of the soil so that the word can be planted in it and GROW. If you'll forgive the mixed metaphors, nevertheless, my heart contains many uglinesses of which I have been (and still remain) largely ignorant. But thanks be to God that he is in the business of making his people holy!
*Being Emptied ~ It's not enough to realize the uglinesses in our hearts. God fully expects us to be RID of them. To put sin to death! To not yield ourselves any longer to the lusts of our flesh, but rather to be led by the Spirit. So once pierced, once churned, once exposed, we must now be emptied. But not only of sin, but also of SELF. Oh, self! You have deceived, you have usurped! But you were never meant to be God, you were meant to be in COMMUNION with and submission TO God! In him is your greatest, FULL satisfaction! Why do you buck so, o rebellious soul! But thanks be to God that he is not only able to empty us of self and sin, he does so for our good, so that we may have life to the FULL; and who else is life? "Lord, who will we go to? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and know that You are the Holy One of God!" (Jn. 6:68-69)
*Being Expectant ~ So in keeping with Jesus' promise that if we seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, ALL other needful things will be added (Matt. 6:31-33), in keeping with Jesus' promise that ANYone who comes to him, he will in NO way cast out (Jn. 6:37), I have a godly HOPE ~ that is, I KNOW ~ God will answer me. (Matt. 7:7-12) My "expectation" (even at that!) is far too small! But thanks be to God that he is able to do ABUNDANTLY above and beyond what I can even ask or think! (Eph. 3:14-21) He who has promised will do it!
II. SOMETHING NEW
*Being Encountered ~ I have spent the last several years of my life (most of which unknowingly) in a Romans 7 kind of existence. So much "striving" and "working" to be obedient, righteous, etc. And failing. And let's be honest, MOST of my "striving" and "working" was wimpy at best, and yet I would always manage to convince myself (at times) that I was really making a difference, or really succeeding, only to be confronted with new ways in which I had failed (most of which had to do with failing to convince OTHERS that I was doing right or doing good, so how much was genuinely out of my conscience, and how much was just a failing to win the approval of men?!)...But how kind of God? that he would overlook my offenses and my selfish strivings again and again, that he would even lovingly confront my pride, where in my zeal I felt "At last! I've grasped success in my walk with Christ!" only to fail so miserably, and the Lord would meet me in those moments and whisper forgiveness, lovingly redirect me, sometimes force me to repent, often TO those very "men" from whom I was seeking praise!. How kind of God that he answers our longings to know him by showing up and ministering to us with the presence of his own Spirit? Abiding with us, even comforting us as he makes us over. He may administer a sharp, piercing scalpel as he cuts out our flesh, but he does not do so without anesthetic, he does not do so without himself being the one to nurse the woundings, guard from infection, and set us right again, in SPIRIT, so that even if there must be a scar, we can point to it and confess HIS goodness in having HEALED us so completely!
*Being Enraptured ~ When he meets me in the intimacy of his Word, in the making me aware of his presence by his Spirit, and often in the context of corporate worship with other believers in Christ, I am discovering a whole new kind of euphoric sensation, replacing my former "religious" engagements which would often bear the fruit of self-loathing and condemnation, I have been given new SIGHT! and I find, as I fix my eyes on Jesus (Heb. 12:1-2), look full in his wonderful face, truly the things of this earth grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace! He is glorious, he is beautiful, he is extravagant in his love, he is perfect, unyielding, and yet gentle as fierce power which is capable of crushing me is nevertheless reined in so that I can touch his heart in worship. I am ashamed to confess these moments have been few and far between! Much as my spirit LONGS for these moments, I find I have only begun to realize the intimacy possible with God!...But how kind of God? that he would pursue us, that he would promise to see us in secret, to meet us in the privacy of moments of prayer, and to DELIGHT our souls with his presence? HE is the one for whom we have been made! How could we wonder that we would be enraptured by anything less? We were MADE to be WORSHIPPERS! God's glory is our great JOY!
*Being Equipped ~ So now, God willing, I am moving from Romans 7 to Romans 8 and will pursue all the FULLNESS that means for me. I am no longer a slave, but a son! (Gal. 4:1-7) Is it possible? For one born again to be born again again? If so, that is the point to which I have come. I am again an infant ~ what of knowledge? I have been a student of the word, I have loved to dig deep, but that knowledge (though it OUGHT to have produced joy!) only puffed me up! (1 Cor. 8:1-3) I heard this past week, from another preacher of God's word, that we are not called primarily to be students of God's word - though we are to be that - but we are to be WITNESSES, to testify to that which we have seen, namely JESUS! seated on the throne, high and lifted up! I have spent most of my adult life unknowingly aspiring to merely acquiring more knowledge about God. And to be sure, we ARE to love the Lord our God with all our MIND. (Matt. 22:36-40) But that is not all, and it is not even first...But how kind of God? that he does not leave us in our ignorance! My "knowledge" has increasingly obscured my own ignorance, and I am being made a child again, learning to love BEING-WITH Jesus by the power of his Spirit. This life I now live must be ever adding to our faith. Where I have possessed knowledge, I have lacked character. So now, I am requiring a new equipping. (Gal. 5:19-26, 2 Pet. 1:3-11) In some ways, learning to "do over" things I have taken for granted that I already knew. Lord, make me LISTEN! He speaks through the word of God, and I know his voice! (Jn. 10) I LOVE his voice! Not nearly so much as I ought! But thanks be to God! not nearly so much as I WILL!
God HAS answered me ~ He IS "increasing my capacity" for which I am thankful. Even though I see only the acorn, I am confident of the oak tree hiding under its tiny cap! He breaks my heart, but what he gives me in return is so absolutely incomparable. I would desire more of this "breaking" ~ it is the KINDNESS of God that leads us to repentance! ~ if it will yield more of this ENJOYING of God. Something I thought I knew, but had only barely tasted. If God can do this while we are yet in this earthly tent, HOW MUCH MORE will he give us when we come face to face with him in GLORY?
GLORY TO GOD!
~ P.S. We did complete the below "Seeking Him" series in class, but I wasn't able to keep up with the notes online. So for those who were eagerly waiting for lessons 9-12, my apologies, and perhaps I will yet be able to capture some of what was reviewed ~ it was indeed a GREAT study!
I. SOMETHING OLD
*Being Exposed ~ God uses both the sharp and powerful sword of his word and the pressure of our external circumstances to pierce even to our marrow, and his word causes us to be "laid bare before him with whom we have to do." (Hebrews 4:12-13) I heard, not long ago, that Christians are like a tube of toothpaste ~ when you squeeze them, you find out what's really inside. I've been squeezed in myriad ways, and I do not like the often rotten content that is being exposed. It is like (look back to first couple lessons from Seeking Him study) the analogy of "breaking up your fallow ground" ~ allowing the plow of God's word and Spirit to get down DEEP to the soft soil under all the hard, sunbaked exterior, and the churning and cutting and grinding and tearing that has to take place to expose the soft underside of the soil so that the word can be planted in it and GROW. If you'll forgive the mixed metaphors, nevertheless, my heart contains many uglinesses of which I have been (and still remain) largely ignorant. But thanks be to God that he is in the business of making his people holy!
*Being Emptied ~ It's not enough to realize the uglinesses in our hearts. God fully expects us to be RID of them. To put sin to death! To not yield ourselves any longer to the lusts of our flesh, but rather to be led by the Spirit. So once pierced, once churned, once exposed, we must now be emptied. But not only of sin, but also of SELF. Oh, self! You have deceived, you have usurped! But you were never meant to be God, you were meant to be in COMMUNION with and submission TO God! In him is your greatest, FULL satisfaction! Why do you buck so, o rebellious soul! But thanks be to God that he is not only able to empty us of self and sin, he does so for our good, so that we may have life to the FULL; and who else is life? "Lord, who will we go to? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and know that You are the Holy One of God!" (Jn. 6:68-69)
*Being Expectant ~ So in keeping with Jesus' promise that if we seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, ALL other needful things will be added (Matt. 6:31-33), in keeping with Jesus' promise that ANYone who comes to him, he will in NO way cast out (Jn. 6:37), I have a godly HOPE ~ that is, I KNOW ~ God will answer me. (Matt. 7:7-12) My "expectation" (even at that!) is far too small! But thanks be to God that he is able to do ABUNDANTLY above and beyond what I can even ask or think! (Eph. 3:14-21) He who has promised will do it!
II. SOMETHING NEW
*Being Encountered ~ I have spent the last several years of my life (most of which unknowingly) in a Romans 7 kind of existence. So much "striving" and "working" to be obedient, righteous, etc. And failing. And let's be honest, MOST of my "striving" and "working" was wimpy at best, and yet I would always manage to convince myself (at times) that I was really making a difference, or really succeeding, only to be confronted with new ways in which I had failed (most of which had to do with failing to convince OTHERS that I was doing right or doing good, so how much was genuinely out of my conscience, and how much was just a failing to win the approval of men?!)...But how kind of God? that he would overlook my offenses and my selfish strivings again and again, that he would even lovingly confront my pride, where in my zeal I felt "At last! I've grasped success in my walk with Christ!" only to fail so miserably, and the Lord would meet me in those moments and whisper forgiveness, lovingly redirect me, sometimes force me to repent, often TO those very "men" from whom I was seeking praise!. How kind of God that he answers our longings to know him by showing up and ministering to us with the presence of his own Spirit? Abiding with us, even comforting us as he makes us over. He may administer a sharp, piercing scalpel as he cuts out our flesh, but he does not do so without anesthetic, he does not do so without himself being the one to nurse the woundings, guard from infection, and set us right again, in SPIRIT, so that even if there must be a scar, we can point to it and confess HIS goodness in having HEALED us so completely!
*Being Enraptured ~ When he meets me in the intimacy of his Word, in the making me aware of his presence by his Spirit, and often in the context of corporate worship with other believers in Christ, I am discovering a whole new kind of euphoric sensation, replacing my former "religious" engagements which would often bear the fruit of self-loathing and condemnation, I have been given new SIGHT! and I find, as I fix my eyes on Jesus (Heb. 12:1-2), look full in his wonderful face, truly the things of this earth grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace! He is glorious, he is beautiful, he is extravagant in his love, he is perfect, unyielding, and yet gentle as fierce power which is capable of crushing me is nevertheless reined in so that I can touch his heart in worship. I am ashamed to confess these moments have been few and far between! Much as my spirit LONGS for these moments, I find I have only begun to realize the intimacy possible with God!...But how kind of God? that he would pursue us, that he would promise to see us in secret, to meet us in the privacy of moments of prayer, and to DELIGHT our souls with his presence? HE is the one for whom we have been made! How could we wonder that we would be enraptured by anything less? We were MADE to be WORSHIPPERS! God's glory is our great JOY!
*Being Equipped ~ So now, God willing, I am moving from Romans 7 to Romans 8 and will pursue all the FULLNESS that means for me. I am no longer a slave, but a son! (Gal. 4:1-7) Is it possible? For one born again to be born again again? If so, that is the point to which I have come. I am again an infant ~ what of knowledge? I have been a student of the word, I have loved to dig deep, but that knowledge (though it OUGHT to have produced joy!) only puffed me up! (1 Cor. 8:1-3) I heard this past week, from another preacher of God's word, that we are not called primarily to be students of God's word - though we are to be that - but we are to be WITNESSES, to testify to that which we have seen, namely JESUS! seated on the throne, high and lifted up! I have spent most of my adult life unknowingly aspiring to merely acquiring more knowledge about God. And to be sure, we ARE to love the Lord our God with all our MIND. (Matt. 22:36-40) But that is not all, and it is not even first...But how kind of God? that he does not leave us in our ignorance! My "knowledge" has increasingly obscured my own ignorance, and I am being made a child again, learning to love BEING-WITH Jesus by the power of his Spirit. This life I now live must be ever adding to our faith. Where I have possessed knowledge, I have lacked character. So now, I am requiring a new equipping. (Gal. 5:19-26, 2 Pet. 1:3-11) In some ways, learning to "do over" things I have taken for granted that I already knew. Lord, make me LISTEN! He speaks through the word of God, and I know his voice! (Jn. 10) I LOVE his voice! Not nearly so much as I ought! But thanks be to God! not nearly so much as I WILL!
God HAS answered me ~ He IS "increasing my capacity" for which I am thankful. Even though I see only the acorn, I am confident of the oak tree hiding under its tiny cap! He breaks my heart, but what he gives me in return is so absolutely incomparable. I would desire more of this "breaking" ~ it is the KINDNESS of God that leads us to repentance! ~ if it will yield more of this ENJOYING of God. Something I thought I knew, but had only barely tasted. If God can do this while we are yet in this earthly tent, HOW MUCH MORE will he give us when we come face to face with him in GLORY?
GLORY TO GOD!
~ P.S. We did complete the below "Seeking Him" series in class, but I wasn't able to keep up with the notes online. So for those who were eagerly waiting for lessons 9-12, my apologies, and perhaps I will yet be able to capture some of what was reviewed ~ it was indeed a GREAT study!
12 May, 2010
The Gifting IS the Calling!
recommended reading - "Just Do Something" by Pastor Kevin DeYoung
God's "calling" on our lives is no mystery. He EQUIPS us, he POSITIONS us, he COMMANDS us, he GIFTS us, and he thus makes use of us by his own design and for his purposes, but we need not necessarily "discern his calling" to WALK in it.
We also make a great mystery out of discerning our Giftings, in the Body. (Rom 12, 1 Cor 12-14, etc.) Even a most rudimentary reading of these passages should - in context - give us an idea that we are making mysterious mountains out of plain molehills. (so to speak)
God gives us his SPIRIT, and his WORD, and I suspect the rest is not nearly so complicated as we - well-meaning as we are - make it.
So what is the "natural result" of having his Spirit and his Word and of our submitting to him in each respect but that we will be exercising certain gifts [which we may or may not discover about ourselves along the way], and we will be - if we are faithful to walk as sons of God, LED by his Spirit - therefore obedient to his "calling" [even if we do not necessarily have a conscious awareness of it as such].
I think the Lord has given me gifts of discernment and possibly prophecy (in NT sense), and teaching (though this is more a "byproduct" of the first two, and not my primary gift). Similarly, as regards the heart, I think the Lord has molded/equipped me, uniquely, to "rejoice with those who rejoice" and "mourn with those who mourn."
So ... if I'm right, what is the Lord's "Call" on my life? ....
God's "calling" on our lives is no mystery. He EQUIPS us, he POSITIONS us, he COMMANDS us, he GIFTS us, and he thus makes use of us by his own design and for his purposes, but we need not necessarily "discern his calling" to WALK in it.
We also make a great mystery out of discerning our Giftings, in the Body. (Rom 12, 1 Cor 12-14, etc.) Even a most rudimentary reading of these passages should - in context - give us an idea that we are making mysterious mountains out of plain molehills. (so to speak)
God gives us his SPIRIT, and his WORD, and I suspect the rest is not nearly so complicated as we - well-meaning as we are - make it.
So what is the "natural result" of having his Spirit and his Word and of our submitting to him in each respect but that we will be exercising certain gifts [which we may or may not discover about ourselves along the way], and we will be - if we are faithful to walk as sons of God, LED by his Spirit - therefore obedient to his "calling" [even if we do not necessarily have a conscious awareness of it as such].
I think the Lord has given me gifts of discernment and possibly prophecy (in NT sense), and teaching (though this is more a "byproduct" of the first two, and not my primary gift). Similarly, as regards the heart, I think the Lord has molded/equipped me, uniquely, to "rejoice with those who rejoice" and "mourn with those who mourn."
So ... if I'm right, what is the Lord's "Call" on my life? ....
What kind of KIND?
~What kind of KIND?~
("making nice" vs. "kind-but-firm" when dealing with a Bully)
When faced with difficult situations, particularly as regards the bullying behaviors of others from whom I must nevertheless solicit cooperation (such as a teacher or a co-worker or the like), I have tended [unwittingly] towards this motto - "Kill them with kindness." And I even thought this was godliness - consider that "The man whose ways please the Lord makes even his enemies to be at peace with him." [Proverbs 16:7]
I have, thus, gone out of my way to be friendly, to respond to the bullying with a smile and even a clever remark back intended to convey that I'm laughing WITH the bully rather than being brought down BY the bully, and I have used what I now realize to be excessive sweetnees, and niceness - showing concern over their struggles and difficulties, giving them gifts that show I'm being thoughtful of them, etc. - as a way of trying to "get them" to do what I want or need them to do. Which might be anything from giving me a good (fair?) grade to ensuring that a shipment confirmation gets sent to a customer as required.
No doubt, I could explode this topic with a series of examples that would probably cause you to go into shock as all the appearances of boldness on my part wither under the fiery stares of brutish people, and I immediately flop about trying to make them happy so that what I need to have done will get done.....
This is NOT "making peace" with my enemies.
This is manipulating with niceness.
And this is NOT biblical "kindness" which has wrapped up in it a component of resolute truth-telling which leads to repentance!
[Romans 2:4, Galatians 5:22-23, Romans 11:22, 2 Corinthians 6:1-13]
Truth is? I "make nice" to try to CHANGE people - not for THEIR good, but to a) make them see me in a favorable light so that b) I can be more productive.
We use the expression - "kill them with kindness." And by this we have some concept of "pouring out nice" to "get back nice" as if such qualities really are all about karma. And/or as Christians, we might even spiritualize it as some kind of divine right to revenge that we are staving off now with the expectation God will zap them later. [Romans 12:20] (which is at best a warped understanding of what it means to "heap burning coals on their head" which has more to do with making of others a sacrificial OFFERING than it does any reference to eternal damnation....)
But what if we were REALLY "kind" to them?
Is it not a kindness for a surgeon to cut off the gangrene-infected limb? Is it not just that kind of kindness by means of which God himself leads US to repentance and thus salvation (and peace with God)? [Sometimes what is most needed is accurate diagnosis and even creating hurt (scalpel to tender flesh) to bring about healing.]
What if "being nice" or "sweet" is just another way of serving my OWN ends? (ie - feeding my own heart idols, such as fear of man? or being perfectionistic in whatever else I do?)
What if "being KIND" includes being WISE - and both standing up to bullies as well as drawing a line in the sand and KINDLY but firmly saying that THIS behavior is UNACCEPTABLE and unless you repent, there can be no true PEACE between us. A "cease-fire" perhaps, but no peace. [or put another way, "I will not allow you to bully me in this way anymore - it is not good for me, and it is not good for you - and if that means I can't 'save the day' this time, then so be it..."]
********
Lord, make me a woman characterised by the COMPATIBLE [intermingled] fruits of KINDNESS, GENTLENESS, rejoicing together with the TRUTH, and WISDOM....and let me not BE a bully, myself, in my zeal....
("making nice" vs. "kind-but-firm" when dealing with a Bully)
When faced with difficult situations, particularly as regards the bullying behaviors of others from whom I must nevertheless solicit cooperation (such as a teacher or a co-worker or the like), I have tended [unwittingly] towards this motto - "Kill them with kindness." And I even thought this was godliness - consider that "The man whose ways please the Lord makes even his enemies to be at peace with him." [Proverbs 16:7]
I have, thus, gone out of my way to be friendly, to respond to the bullying with a smile and even a clever remark back intended to convey that I'm laughing WITH the bully rather than being brought down BY the bully, and I have used what I now realize to be excessive sweetnees, and niceness - showing concern over their struggles and difficulties, giving them gifts that show I'm being thoughtful of them, etc. - as a way of trying to "get them" to do what I want or need them to do. Which might be anything from giving me a good (fair?) grade to ensuring that a shipment confirmation gets sent to a customer as required.
No doubt, I could explode this topic with a series of examples that would probably cause you to go into shock as all the appearances of boldness on my part wither under the fiery stares of brutish people, and I immediately flop about trying to make them happy so that what I need to have done will get done.....
This is NOT "making peace" with my enemies.
This is manipulating with niceness.
And this is NOT biblical "kindness" which has wrapped up in it a component of resolute truth-telling which leads to repentance!
[Romans 2:4, Galatians 5:22-23, Romans 11:22, 2 Corinthians 6:1-13]
Truth is? I "make nice" to try to CHANGE people - not for THEIR good, but to a) make them see me in a favorable light so that b) I can be more productive.
We use the expression - "kill them with kindness." And by this we have some concept of "pouring out nice" to "get back nice" as if such qualities really are all about karma. And/or as Christians, we might even spiritualize it as some kind of divine right to revenge that we are staving off now with the expectation God will zap them later. [Romans 12:20] (which is at best a warped understanding of what it means to "heap burning coals on their head" which has more to do with making of others a sacrificial OFFERING than it does any reference to eternal damnation....)
But what if we were REALLY "kind" to them?
Is it not a kindness for a surgeon to cut off the gangrene-infected limb? Is it not just that kind of kindness by means of which God himself leads US to repentance and thus salvation (and peace with God)? [Sometimes what is most needed is accurate diagnosis and even creating hurt (scalpel to tender flesh) to bring about healing.]
What if "being nice" or "sweet" is just another way of serving my OWN ends? (ie - feeding my own heart idols, such as fear of man? or being perfectionistic in whatever else I do?)
What if "being KIND" includes being WISE - and both standing up to bullies as well as drawing a line in the sand and KINDLY but firmly saying that THIS behavior is UNACCEPTABLE and unless you repent, there can be no true PEACE between us. A "cease-fire" perhaps, but no peace. [or put another way, "I will not allow you to bully me in this way anymore - it is not good for me, and it is not good for you - and if that means I can't 'save the day' this time, then so be it..."]
********
Lord, make me a woman characterised by the COMPATIBLE [intermingled] fruits of KINDNESS, GENTLENESS, rejoicing together with the TRUTH, and WISDOM....and let me not BE a bully, myself, in my zeal....
29 April, 2010
The Law of my Flesh - I have a RIGHT to be angry!!
The Law of my Flesh - I have a RIGHT to be angry!!
How quickly we can jump to conclusions about other people and their motives for doing what they do. How quickly we "assume the worst" rather than the best. How unprepared we are to examine ourselves when we feel that flash of anger - we'd rather burst into flames than acknowledge that perhaps one of the idols of our heart was just toppled - and why? Because we think we're entitled....
Just one such day for me, today. So a random personal blog entry, here we come.
Not so important the who and the what as the after.
Reality? I am slow to listen, quick to speak and quick to become angry. I am easily provoked, insist on my own way, and have no patience - especially when I feel my "rights" are being trampled. And I don't mean actual "rights" in a political sense - perhaps then I might be justified in whipping out the trump card of my "roman citizenship," to borrow from the story of the apostle Paul. But I mean "rights" in a I'm-not-meek! and You-better-not-make-me-mad! kinda way.
Such as - the right to do things when I want, the way I want; the right to not be interrupted but to nevertheless interrupt at my liesure; the right to peace and quiet when I want it and yet nevertheless be loud and inconsiderate when I feel like it, and so the list goes on.
In short, I'm reminded, today, of something that my Mom used to say to me when I was a child - by way of trying to train me up in the way I should go. She would tell me I operated by my own kind of universal law which was:
"What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine, TOO!"
Oh sad day - apparently I have continued to nurse and pet and coddle this awful beast, because it has grown up and seems quite healthy even still these 30-some years later!
So. I am reminded again, through circumstances in my daily life, that I have many rough and pointy edges - most of which I am quite content to ignore or hide away - and most of which I use to point at and damage others to prove my RIGHT to all my various uglinesses - oh, who are we kidding, my UNGODLINESSES! - and so assert my own will and ultimately to accuse God for not catering to MY desires for comfort and ease, et al.
"LOVE is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
...
"So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law. The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other."
...
"Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created. My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does. If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
...
"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt[a] water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness."
God, make me a sower of peace.
Yours,
Leah
How quickly we can jump to conclusions about other people and their motives for doing what they do. How quickly we "assume the worst" rather than the best. How unprepared we are to examine ourselves when we feel that flash of anger - we'd rather burst into flames than acknowledge that perhaps one of the idols of our heart was just toppled - and why? Because we think we're entitled....
Just one such day for me, today. So a random personal blog entry, here we come.
Not so important the who and the what as the after.
Reality? I am slow to listen, quick to speak and quick to become angry. I am easily provoked, insist on my own way, and have no patience - especially when I feel my "rights" are being trampled. And I don't mean actual "rights" in a political sense - perhaps then I might be justified in whipping out the trump card of my "roman citizenship," to borrow from the story of the apostle Paul. But I mean "rights" in a I'm-not-meek! and You-better-not-make-me-mad! kinda way.
Such as - the right to do things when I want, the way I want; the right to not be interrupted but to nevertheless interrupt at my liesure; the right to peace and quiet when I want it and yet nevertheless be loud and inconsiderate when I feel like it, and so the list goes on.
In short, I'm reminded, today, of something that my Mom used to say to me when I was a child - by way of trying to train me up in the way I should go. She would tell me I operated by my own kind of universal law which was:
"What's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine, TOO!"
Oh sad day - apparently I have continued to nurse and pet and coddle this awful beast, because it has grown up and seems quite healthy even still these 30-some years later!
So. I am reminded again, through circumstances in my daily life, that I have many rough and pointy edges - most of which I am quite content to ignore or hide away - and most of which I use to point at and damage others to prove my RIGHT to all my various uglinesses - oh, who are we kidding, my UNGODLINESSES! - and so assert my own will and ultimately to accuse God for not catering to MY desires for comfort and ease, et al.
"LOVE is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
...
"So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law. The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other."
...
"Don't be deceived, my dear brothers. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created. My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it—he will be blessed in what he does. If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
...
"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt[a] water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness."
God, make me a sower of peace.
Yours,
Leah
04 March, 2010
~ a prayer for today ~
Lord - HERE [work] is where I most often and MOST readily need to be prayerful and dependent on the Lord to fill me with his Spirit. HERE is where I have the MOST time and opportunity to grow in faithfulness cuz HERE is my everyday, my most wakeful hours. So today, Lord, let me practice meekness - let me be patient and gentle! Let me show respect where due, and God help me! let me not think more highly of myself than I "ought."
Insofar as "being filled with the Spirit" is a command to be obeyed, I can "feel" that my ... drinking deeply of your presence DOES cause me to walk differently! With the gentleness and patience and self-control, and kindness and peace that YOU possess, and make manifest in and through me....
My God, APART from my Faith. Full. dependence on you, I am a natural Ogre.
God, be merciful! CAPTIVATE me, that I may give you my full attention, and joyfully so!
[fix my passions and my gaze; sweet submission, all glorious!]
Insofar as "being filled with the Spirit" is a command to be obeyed, I can "feel" that my ... drinking deeply of your presence DOES cause me to walk differently! With the gentleness and patience and self-control, and kindness and peace that YOU possess, and make manifest in and through me....
My God, APART from my Faith. Full. dependence on you, I am a natural Ogre.
God, be merciful! CAPTIVATE me, that I may give you my full attention, and joyfully so!
[fix my passions and my gaze; sweet submission, all glorious!]
30 September, 2009
Your Steadfast Love is Better than Life
God, your steadfast love is unfailing! reaching to the heavens! Your steadfast love holds us up, is worthy of praise, and - the Psalmist says - is better than life. But, God, I have not believed this....I have not cast myself on this truth, though I am increasing in my understanding of it.
The awful truth is that I still prefer my own life over your love!
Your love is the means by which, in Christ, I can truly be called a "son" of God! Your love is the means by which my foot does not slip, I am saved from my adversary, and I receive your patient forgiveness! Your love IS better than life! - your love IS true life!, but I do not believe it. But oh, God, I want to! It is your mercy and kindness, God, that your love is not dependent on the voracity of my love for you in return. Rather, we love you because you have first loved us! But my God, my love is at best lukewarm (do not spew me out of your mouth!)....
How can I be made to care about this enough so that I will fall on my face and confess that I have lost my first love? YOU must do it! - YOU must break my heart concerning my sin, so that I will not neglect my confession!.....
The awful truth is that I still prefer my own life over your love!
Your love is the means by which, in Christ, I can truly be called a "son" of God! Your love is the means by which my foot does not slip, I am saved from my adversary, and I receive your patient forgiveness! Your love IS better than life! - your love IS true life!, but I do not believe it. But oh, God, I want to! It is your mercy and kindness, God, that your love is not dependent on the voracity of my love for you in return. Rather, we love you because you have first loved us! But my God, my love is at best lukewarm (do not spew me out of your mouth!)....
How can I be made to care about this enough so that I will fall on my face and confess that I have lost my first love? YOU must do it! - YOU must break my heart concerning my sin, so that I will not neglect my confession!.....
08 September, 2009
Teach me to Fear the Lord Aright
Heavenly Father, i do tend to come to you as if all too familiar; and the reality is i am presuming on your grace, not fully appreciating your WORTH. It is the one who fears you to whom you disclose yourself. And if i am quick to speak bitterness, perversion, or just arrogance, you have revealed that these come out of the mouths of the scoffer and the fool! So am i not merely showing myself to be a woman who does not fear the Lord?
i don't exhibit a life characterized by PEACE, or of strong confidence - such that i don't fear the snares of death. Though it exposes the reality of a "yawning maw" of DISTRUST, the fact of my anxieties and my discouragements and my various fears and dreads exposes the deeper truth of my idolatry and how little well i really know YOU.
You have said elsewhere that those who seek you find you; and yet here you say that THOUGH the scoffer or the fool seek you, you will NOT be found, because he has "refused to choose the fear of the Lord." Lord, i do not refuse! Though my "seeking" is nevertheless weak, it is not a kind of asking so i may merely spend what i get on my own pleasures! It is a seeking that WANTS to please YOU and not merely hear itself talk....
The only reason i do not fear you enough is that i am still too filled up with me. i have loved my own arrogances more than i have loved your self-disclosure. i have loved the deceit of my own tongue more than i have loved to be still, and to LISTEN to your word, to your instruction, even your reproof. It is the one who fears you who is able to praise you, to "ascribe worth" to you. So teach me to FEAR you! Teach me to BE STILL and to KNOW that you are God. Humble me; enable me to hear and not only so but to DO, that i may gain a heart of wisdom - faithful obedience.
In JESUS' name,
amen.
cf Ps 25:12-14; Ps 111:10; Prov 1:28-31; Prov 8:13-14; Prov 14:26-27; Rom 3:10-18; 1 Pet 1:17-19
i don't exhibit a life characterized by PEACE, or of strong confidence - such that i don't fear the snares of death. Though it exposes the reality of a "yawning maw" of DISTRUST, the fact of my anxieties and my discouragements and my various fears and dreads exposes the deeper truth of my idolatry and how little well i really know YOU.
You have said elsewhere that those who seek you find you; and yet here you say that THOUGH the scoffer or the fool seek you, you will NOT be found, because he has "refused to choose the fear of the Lord." Lord, i do not refuse! Though my "seeking" is nevertheless weak, it is not a kind of asking so i may merely spend what i get on my own pleasures! It is a seeking that WANTS to please YOU and not merely hear itself talk....
The only reason i do not fear you enough is that i am still too filled up with me. i have loved my own arrogances more than i have loved your self-disclosure. i have loved the deceit of my own tongue more than i have loved to be still, and to LISTEN to your word, to your instruction, even your reproof. It is the one who fears you who is able to praise you, to "ascribe worth" to you. So teach me to FEAR you! Teach me to BE STILL and to KNOW that you are God. Humble me; enable me to hear and not only so but to DO, that i may gain a heart of wisdom - faithful obedience.
In JESUS' name,
amen.
cf Ps 25:12-14; Ps 111:10; Prov 1:28-31; Prov 8:13-14; Prov 14:26-27; Rom 3:10-18; 1 Pet 1:17-19
23 June, 2009
Pitting me against myself
My mind is toying with two sides of one coin.
I desire one and cannot have it;
I do not desire the other, but could have it rather than having nothing.
I find I want to "manipulate" the one I don't want so that I don't have to wait for what I do desire....
This is an idolatry! I can "feel" it is such, because the arguments with which I am trying to persuade myself sound like "You shouldn't have to wait any longer," and "You know it would be better to have SOMEthing rather than NOthing," and "It wouldn't really be disobeying God....he could stop you if it wasn't meant to be, and maybe you'll find you're happier in the long run!"
Sick, sinister, manipulative, Indwelling Sin, my ENEMY!
I will not.
I will wait.
I desire one and cannot have it;
I do not desire the other, but could have it rather than having nothing.
I find I want to "manipulate" the one I don't want so that I don't have to wait for what I do desire....
This is an idolatry! I can "feel" it is such, because the arguments with which I am trying to persuade myself sound like "You shouldn't have to wait any longer," and "You know it would be better to have SOMEthing rather than NOthing," and "It wouldn't really be disobeying God....he could stop you if it wasn't meant to be, and maybe you'll find you're happier in the long run!"
Sick, sinister, manipulative, Indwelling Sin, my ENEMY!
I will not.
I will wait.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)