Heavenly Father, i do tend to come to you as if all too familiar; and the reality is i am presuming on your grace, not fully appreciating your WORTH. It is the one who fears you to whom you disclose yourself. And if i am quick to speak bitterness, perversion, or just arrogance, you have revealed that these come out of the mouths of the scoffer and the fool! So am i not merely showing myself to be a woman who does not fear the Lord?
i don't exhibit a life characterized by PEACE, or of strong confidence - such that i don't fear the snares of death. Though it exposes the reality of a "yawning maw" of DISTRUST, the fact of my anxieties and my discouragements and my various fears and dreads exposes the deeper truth of my idolatry and how little well i really know YOU.
You have said elsewhere that those who seek you find you; and yet here you say that THOUGH the scoffer or the fool seek you, you will NOT be found, because he has "refused to choose the fear of the Lord." Lord, i do not refuse! Though my "seeking" is nevertheless weak, it is not a kind of asking so i may merely spend what i get on my own pleasures! It is a seeking that WANTS to please YOU and not merely hear itself talk....
The only reason i do not fear you enough is that i am still too filled up with me. i have loved my own arrogances more than i have loved your self-disclosure. i have loved the deceit of my own tongue more than i have loved to be still, and to LISTEN to your word, to your instruction, even your reproof. It is the one who fears you who is able to praise you, to "ascribe worth" to you. So teach me to FEAR you! Teach me to BE STILL and to KNOW that you are God. Humble me; enable me to hear and not only so but to DO, that i may gain a heart of wisdom - faithful obedience.
In JESUS' name,
amen.
cf Ps 25:12-14; Ps 111:10; Prov 1:28-31; Prov 8:13-14; Prov 14:26-27; Rom 3:10-18; 1 Pet 1:17-19
08 September, 2009
14 July, 2009
Today's Grace Gem - Zeal Blended w/Humility
*OH how I need to take note of this one:
Those mistakes, blemishes and faults in others
(Letters of John Newton)
"Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God." Romans 15:7
The Christian, especially he who is advanced and established in the life of faith, has a fervent zeal for God--for the honor of His Name, His Word and His Gospel. The honest warmth of zeal which he feels, when God's Word is broken, His Gospel is despised, and when the great and glorious Name of the Lord his God is profaned, would, by the occasion of his infirmities, often degenerate into anger or contempt towards those who error--
--if he was under the influence of zeal alone.
But his zeal is blended with benevolence and humility; it is softened by a consciousness of his own frailty and fallibility.
He is aware, that his knowledge is very limited in itself, and very faint in its transforming power in his own life; that his attainments are weak and few, compared with his deficiencies; that his gratitude is very disproportionate to his obligations; and that his obedience is unspeakably short of conformity to his prescribed rule; that he has nothing but what he has received, and has received nothing but what, in a greater or less degree, he has either misapplied or misimproved. He is, therefore, a debtor to the mercy of God--and lives upon His multiplied forgiveness.
The Christian also makes the gracious conduct of the Lord towards himself--a pattern for his own conduct towards his fellow-worms. He cannot boast of himself--nor is he anxious to censure others. He considers himself, lest he also fall. And thus he learns tenderness and compassion to others, and to bear patiently with those mistakes, blemishes and faults in others--which once belonged to his own character; and from which, as yet, he is but imperfectly freed.
...Knowing that the Gospel is the wisdom and power of God, and the only possible means by which fallen man can obtain peace with God--he most cordially embraces and avows it. Far from being ashamed of it--he esteems it his glory. He preaches Christ Jesus, and Him crucified. He disdains the thought of distorting, disguising, or softening the great doctrines of the grace of God, to render them more palatable to the depraved taste of the times (2 Corinthians 4:2). And he will no more encounter the errors and corrupt maxims and practices of the world, with any weapon but the truth as it is in Jesus--than he would venture to fight an enraged tiger with a paper sword!
~ ~ ~ ~
Those mistakes, blemishes and faults in others
(Letters of John Newton)
"Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God." Romans 15:7
The Christian, especially he who is advanced and established in the life of faith, has a fervent zeal for God--for the honor of His Name, His Word and His Gospel. The honest warmth of zeal which he feels, when God's Word is broken, His Gospel is despised, and when the great and glorious Name of the Lord his God is profaned, would, by the occasion of his infirmities, often degenerate into anger or contempt towards those who error--
--if he was under the influence of zeal alone.
But his zeal is blended with benevolence and humility; it is softened by a consciousness of his own frailty and fallibility.
He is aware, that his knowledge is very limited in itself, and very faint in its transforming power in his own life; that his attainments are weak and few, compared with his deficiencies; that his gratitude is very disproportionate to his obligations; and that his obedience is unspeakably short of conformity to his prescribed rule; that he has nothing but what he has received, and has received nothing but what, in a greater or less degree, he has either misapplied or misimproved. He is, therefore, a debtor to the mercy of God--and lives upon His multiplied forgiveness.
The Christian also makes the gracious conduct of the Lord towards himself--a pattern for his own conduct towards his fellow-worms. He cannot boast of himself--nor is he anxious to censure others. He considers himself, lest he also fall. And thus he learns tenderness and compassion to others, and to bear patiently with those mistakes, blemishes and faults in others--which once belonged to his own character; and from which, as yet, he is but imperfectly freed.
...Knowing that the Gospel is the wisdom and power of God, and the only possible means by which fallen man can obtain peace with God--he most cordially embraces and avows it. Far from being ashamed of it--he esteems it his glory. He preaches Christ Jesus, and Him crucified. He disdains the thought of distorting, disguising, or softening the great doctrines of the grace of God, to render them more palatable to the depraved taste of the times (2 Corinthians 4:2). And he will no more encounter the errors and corrupt maxims and practices of the world, with any weapon but the truth as it is in Jesus--than he would venture to fight an enraged tiger with a paper sword!
~ ~ ~ ~
25 June, 2009
Well CURED in the blood of Christ....
"A Great Sin will certainly give a great turn to the life of a [professing believer].
If it be well cured* in the blood of Christ,
with that humiliation which the gospel requires,
it often proves a means of more watchfulness,
fruitfulness,
humility,
and contentation [satisfaction, reassurance],
than ever before the soul obtained.
If it be neglected, it certainly hardens the heart,
weakens spiritual strength,
enfeebles the soul,
discouraging it unto all communion with God,
and is a notable principle of a general decay."
~John Owen, from "The Effect and Strength of Indwelling Sin"
(as printed in "Overcoming Sin and Temptation," p. 387)
*Cured: to prepare (meat, fish, etc.) for preservation by salting, drying, etc.
to restore to health. to relieve or rid of something detrimental, as an illness or a bad habit.
to promote hardening of (fresh concrete or mortar), as by keeping it damp.
to process (rubber, tobacco, etc.) as by fermentation or aging.
If it be well cured* in the blood of Christ,
with that humiliation which the gospel requires,
it often proves a means of more watchfulness,
fruitfulness,
humility,
and contentation [satisfaction, reassurance],
than ever before the soul obtained.
If it be neglected, it certainly hardens the heart,
weakens spiritual strength,
enfeebles the soul,
discouraging it unto all communion with God,
and is a notable principle of a general decay."
~John Owen, from "The Effect and Strength of Indwelling Sin"
(as printed in "Overcoming Sin and Temptation," p. 387)
*Cured: to prepare (meat, fish, etc.) for preservation by salting, drying, etc.
to restore to health. to relieve or rid of something detrimental, as an illness or a bad habit.
to promote hardening of (fresh concrete or mortar), as by keeping it damp.
to process (rubber, tobacco, etc.) as by fermentation or aging.
23 June, 2009
Pitting me against myself
My mind is toying with two sides of one coin.
I desire one and cannot have it;
I do not desire the other, but could have it rather than having nothing.
I find I want to "manipulate" the one I don't want so that I don't have to wait for what I do desire....
This is an idolatry! I can "feel" it is such, because the arguments with which I am trying to persuade myself sound like "You shouldn't have to wait any longer," and "You know it would be better to have SOMEthing rather than NOthing," and "It wouldn't really be disobeying God....he could stop you if it wasn't meant to be, and maybe you'll find you're happier in the long run!"
Sick, sinister, manipulative, Indwelling Sin, my ENEMY!
I will not.
I will wait.
I desire one and cannot have it;
I do not desire the other, but could have it rather than having nothing.
I find I want to "manipulate" the one I don't want so that I don't have to wait for what I do desire....
This is an idolatry! I can "feel" it is such, because the arguments with which I am trying to persuade myself sound like "You shouldn't have to wait any longer," and "You know it would be better to have SOMEthing rather than NOthing," and "It wouldn't really be disobeying God....he could stop you if it wasn't meant to be, and maybe you'll find you're happier in the long run!"
Sick, sinister, manipulative, Indwelling Sin, my ENEMY!
I will not.
I will wait.
19 June, 2009
The Fruit of Which is Joy!
...the conviction of sin should NOT be an "unfamiliar discomfort" - it is the kindness of the Father to reveal sin, to make us holy, to conform us to the likeness of Christ - & so this godly sorrow & grief over having our hearts exposed to ourselves should bring about repentance...& fruit in keeping with that repentance - JOY! & growing intimacy with our God....
29 April, 2009
Reflections on a Loss ~ (3rd of 3 Meditations)
There are some things that we lose for which we have opportunity to share the experience with others. Most recently, my family - as I have mentioned in previous posts - has been going through the time of life when the last remaining patriarch passes from this life to the next, and his children who have become parents in their own right now take up the role as the grandparents, and the whole lot of us shift ahead 1 full generation in the span of a week.
In that, we lose respectively our Dad, Granddad, Great-Granddad, and we each of us also lose something of our own previous innocence as we are called upon to step up into the next phase of life.
But there are other losses for which, sometimes, we cannot be prepared. Perhaps they are, nevertheless, universal experiences, but somehow the weight of them is something we must carry Alone. Like harboring some very deep and abiding Torment within our breast, and even "torment" is not strong enough a word....Some very agonizing pain as our heart has wrapped itself in love around some thing or some one, and then without warning - as if to defy that happiness or Forever that we innately expect - that some thing or some one is wrenched from our grasp, torn from our affection, and we are left standing there trying to make sense of these dripping, coagulating pieces of what once was a pulsing, life-giving organ.
In Galatians, chapter 6, the Apostle Paul states very early on in the chapter that we are to bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. This is a verse with which I have been familiar since childhood. But I find it somewhat funny, then, that I didn't notice that very few verses later he states that each one must bear his own load (v. 5). My pastor had pointed this out to me in a conversation a couple of years ago, and the thought has been rolling around in my head ever since - not as though there is some contradiction, here, but how could he be stating both things, how could both be true, and NOT be opposites as they might appear to the naked eye. My pastor had also suggested the solution to the problem in that same conversation - namely; when you come alongside someone and thrust your shoulder, for example, up under a corner of his heavy load (thinking metaphysically) to help him carry it, it is NOT as though you are taking it FROM him, but simply carrying it WITH him, as was your intent all along. Thus, some of that weight is still his, and his Alone, to shoulder....
So too, I am coming to appreciate that there are some pains in life which, in the attempts to explain them to others and in this way so rid myself of them, I simply must bear Alone. Only I can feel and endure the hurt of what I have lost. And in my reflections on this - as I am currently enduring one such loss and praying to God for some relief lest I be done in - I am reminded also of the counsel I received from my much younger brother - who is, every now and again, very wise beyond his years - just this time last year.
He had been meditating on what it means to possess and cultivate that "quiet and gentle spirit" which is precious in the sight of God (cf. 1 Peter, chapter 3). And the Lord revealed to him again the passage in the account of the birth of Christ which described how his mother, Mary, had "treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." And so, the Spirit convicted my brother, and through his testimony convicted me, that one - perhaps even the Main - way in which I could [intentionally] cultivate that very same "quiet and gentle spirit" which I have so longed for and which has always seemed (to my view) to ellude me, was to recognize those moments when some thing or some one was only mine to treasure in my heart, and ponder it there, untouched, as it were, by any other onlooker.
A way of cultivating a greater intimacy with and indeed dependence on that same Christ who is by this means the only One left with whom I can share the inner workings of my heart - for joy or for sorrow - when I discipline myself to withhold that which I would otherwise (by my particular and perhaps peculiar nature) feel "compelled" to spill to any listening ear!
So the pain isn't necessarily even lessened, but it is somehow mysteriously sweetened as it becomes a means of communion with the God who made me and who is conforming me each day more and more to the likeness of his Beloved Son in whom he is well pleased.
Still, I must bear my own load. This is only mine, and by it the Lord teaches me to wait on him, to treasure up all these things - my joys and my sorrows - and ponder them in my heart, as if a sacrifice or an offering just for Him....
In that, we lose respectively our Dad, Granddad, Great-Granddad, and we each of us also lose something of our own previous innocence as we are called upon to step up into the next phase of life.
But there are other losses for which, sometimes, we cannot be prepared. Perhaps they are, nevertheless, universal experiences, but somehow the weight of them is something we must carry Alone. Like harboring some very deep and abiding Torment within our breast, and even "torment" is not strong enough a word....Some very agonizing pain as our heart has wrapped itself in love around some thing or some one, and then without warning - as if to defy that happiness or Forever that we innately expect - that some thing or some one is wrenched from our grasp, torn from our affection, and we are left standing there trying to make sense of these dripping, coagulating pieces of what once was a pulsing, life-giving organ.
In Galatians, chapter 6, the Apostle Paul states very early on in the chapter that we are to bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. This is a verse with which I have been familiar since childhood. But I find it somewhat funny, then, that I didn't notice that very few verses later he states that each one must bear his own load (v. 5). My pastor had pointed this out to me in a conversation a couple of years ago, and the thought has been rolling around in my head ever since - not as though there is some contradiction, here, but how could he be stating both things, how could both be true, and NOT be opposites as they might appear to the naked eye. My pastor had also suggested the solution to the problem in that same conversation - namely; when you come alongside someone and thrust your shoulder, for example, up under a corner of his heavy load (thinking metaphysically) to help him carry it, it is NOT as though you are taking it FROM him, but simply carrying it WITH him, as was your intent all along. Thus, some of that weight is still his, and his Alone, to shoulder....
So too, I am coming to appreciate that there are some pains in life which, in the attempts to explain them to others and in this way so rid myself of them, I simply must bear Alone. Only I can feel and endure the hurt of what I have lost. And in my reflections on this - as I am currently enduring one such loss and praying to God for some relief lest I be done in - I am reminded also of the counsel I received from my much younger brother - who is, every now and again, very wise beyond his years - just this time last year.
He had been meditating on what it means to possess and cultivate that "quiet and gentle spirit" which is precious in the sight of God (cf. 1 Peter, chapter 3). And the Lord revealed to him again the passage in the account of the birth of Christ which described how his mother, Mary, had "treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." And so, the Spirit convicted my brother, and through his testimony convicted me, that one - perhaps even the Main - way in which I could [intentionally] cultivate that very same "quiet and gentle spirit" which I have so longed for and which has always seemed (to my view) to ellude me, was to recognize those moments when some thing or some one was only mine to treasure in my heart, and ponder it there, untouched, as it were, by any other onlooker.
A way of cultivating a greater intimacy with and indeed dependence on that same Christ who is by this means the only One left with whom I can share the inner workings of my heart - for joy or for sorrow - when I discipline myself to withhold that which I would otherwise (by my particular and perhaps peculiar nature) feel "compelled" to spill to any listening ear!
So the pain isn't necessarily even lessened, but it is somehow mysteriously sweetened as it becomes a means of communion with the God who made me and who is conforming me each day more and more to the likeness of his Beloved Son in whom he is well pleased.
Still, I must bear my own load. This is only mine, and by it the Lord teaches me to wait on him, to treasure up all these things - my joys and my sorrows - and ponder them in my heart, as if a sacrifice or an offering just for Him....
10 April, 2009
God, Lord over Life AND Death ~ (2nd of 3 meditations)
Recently, in the space of one week, our family experienced both extremes of life....One Sunday night, the passing of my Granddad, a man satisfied with years and the grace of God in Christ, into the presence of the Lord from this life, and the following Sunday night, the public dedication of my infant niece, as my sister and her husband stood before the church Body and committed themselves to raise their daughter "in the nurture and admonition of the Word."
That second Sunday evening, as my parents were able to be present to stand up, and commit themselves also to displaying Christ before their little granddaughter, there was a very sensible passing of the mantle - Granddad had gone on to Glory to be with the bride of his youth who had preceded him, and Dad and Mom were now the grandparents, and my sister and her husband are now the parents, I and my brother now the aunt and the uncle respectively, and my niece - along with her older brother - the new generation.
These are moments that occur in every family - and no doubt it was the space of the experiences - both Sunday evenings but a week apart - that highlighted for me this graduation of the generations, and this connectedness with the "human" experience of this life. But more than this, I was overwhelmed with a desire to worship God - the Lord of both life AND death. He has been working in me (at least for this moment) the ability to see that "our times are in his hands" and that he knows the numbers of our days before we have as yet lived even one of them.
I rejoice that my Granddad is now with Christ, because he was revealed to be one of the sons of God in Christ...and I pray with great depth of soul and longing that my nephew and my niece, now but in their first years of life, will eventually also come to be revealed as having been chosen in Christ before the foundations of the world.
And I rejoice - in our smallness, in our powerlessness, in having the "illusion" of control stripped from us for at least a moment, and I worship God, the author of salvation who has mercy on whom he will have mercy, and compassion on whom he will have compassion. Who am I that I should say back to him "why have you made me thus!" And again, who am I that he would be mindful of me? have mercy on me? redeem my life from the pit - and give me a new heart, soft and teachable rather than a heart of stone? Surely it is not because of anything that I have done, but because of his OWN purpose and grace.....
How merciful is our God.
That second Sunday evening, as my parents were able to be present to stand up, and commit themselves also to displaying Christ before their little granddaughter, there was a very sensible passing of the mantle - Granddad had gone on to Glory to be with the bride of his youth who had preceded him, and Dad and Mom were now the grandparents, and my sister and her husband are now the parents, I and my brother now the aunt and the uncle respectively, and my niece - along with her older brother - the new generation.
These are moments that occur in every family - and no doubt it was the space of the experiences - both Sunday evenings but a week apart - that highlighted for me this graduation of the generations, and this connectedness with the "human" experience of this life. But more than this, I was overwhelmed with a desire to worship God - the Lord of both life AND death. He has been working in me (at least for this moment) the ability to see that "our times are in his hands" and that he knows the numbers of our days before we have as yet lived even one of them.
I rejoice that my Granddad is now with Christ, because he was revealed to be one of the sons of God in Christ...and I pray with great depth of soul and longing that my nephew and my niece, now but in their first years of life, will eventually also come to be revealed as having been chosen in Christ before the foundations of the world.
And I rejoice - in our smallness, in our powerlessness, in having the "illusion" of control stripped from us for at least a moment, and I worship God, the author of salvation who has mercy on whom he will have mercy, and compassion on whom he will have compassion. Who am I that I should say back to him "why have you made me thus!" And again, who am I that he would be mindful of me? have mercy on me? redeem my life from the pit - and give me a new heart, soft and teachable rather than a heart of stone? Surely it is not because of anything that I have done, but because of his OWN purpose and grace.....
How merciful is our God.
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