A Personal Recounting (written Tuesday, 10/18/11):
Unplanned, we have had three meetings so far this week, all pushing 4 hours each, and we're pressing in for another, tonight.
I am afraid I would qualify as genuinely "stiff-necked" about the whole matter. Before last night, I wrote the following note to myself - exposing an attitude of some, *ahem*, suspicion:
Heading to (church) for another night with "Revivalists" (who shall remain nameless for now). We are (I am HOPING FOR THIS) a people desiring to see God move in our midst! So far, having them here has been very reminiscent of an old-fashioned "camp meeting" ~ I find I'm holding myself in reserve; not out of deference to "tradition" but to "test" the spirits and the word being preached so as to discern if this is the word of GOD....but I am so-far feeling that my having this disposition of "wait and see what the Lord will do" has already been an object of some scorn and mockery by this bringer-of-the-word. As if being "conservative" is already a problem? (Are we spiritualizing personalities, now?) Is this akin to Jesus' WOE TO YOU, you Pharisees? And I ought to feel rebuked? Or is this akin to the "demanding spirit" I have sensed from more extreme arms of those with a more "charismatic" bent, as if to say the outward signs I might exhibit of the work the Lord is doing IN me must look THIS or that way, or they can't possibly be real....I LONG for more of God, but I will not abide being manipulated, especially if that looks only like some whipping into an emotional frenzy that is based on half-quoted Scriptures and an adrenalin-rush based zeal that has more to do with chemistry than charisma!....
You might imagine from the above, I have had to engage in not an insignificant amount of battle in my mind to let my heart "get it" - but last night, I believe the Lord stirred me. My resistance was broken (though I did not, for better or for worse, let my "guard" down) when during worship, one of our worship leaders broke out with a prophetic word, picking up from one of the themes recurring through Sunday's meetings in speaking about Jacob who wrestled with God, who was willing to be even a bit belligerent with God if it meant he receive the Lord's blessing - She began to sing, "We won't let go until you bless us!"
As the music continued, another worship leader on the opposite side of the platform began to sing as if the prophetic voice of God in response - and this picked up another thread from Sunday's meetings, the cry of the blind man who had called out to Jesus, and to whom Jesus' response was "What do you seek?" (as if it wasn't obvious? But he would make the man confess it with his own mouth!)....She began to sing, "What do you want from me? Tell me what you want from me?" and proceeded to list off one earthly desire after another, as if God through this woman's song was forcing us to consciously knock down every idol of our hearts.
"Do you want silver? Do you want gold? Do you want riches untold?...Do you want friends? Do you want fame?" and on and on it went. "What do you want from me? Tell me what you want from me!" And we lingered over the same four chords, over and over, crescendoing until as a BODY the most natural response was for our collective, worshipful cry burst out of our hearts, "WE WANT YOU, GOD! WE WANT YOU, GOD! WE WANT MORE, WE WANT MORE OF YOU!"
After what seemed an immeasurable amount of time, and untold repetitions which in a previous life would have irritated me but for some reason tonight was enlarging my heart!, the music finally decrescendoed, and we quieted....Until several individuals peppered throughout the room started laughing, a break-out kind of laughing, some of which could only be described as uncontrollable. This was and would have continued to be, for me, a distraction - even as I with much effort tried to refrain from making any wild assumptions about what was happening (is this legitimate, or is this self-indulgent? artificial to get attention?), I felt the mind-battle creeping in again - one I might not have been able to set aside if Mrs. "Revivalist" (who happened to speak before her husband got up, this time) had not taken the laughter so in stride, as though it was the most natural, Holy Ghost inspired thing, distracting as it was.
Whether her intention or not, she gave sufficient space before really saying anything of import with respect to her own heart, experience with revival, and perhaps most importantly the battles she had to fight in her own life to lay aside her expectations of HOW God would minister to the hearts of his people, so that the laughter, after several minutes, did eventually die down, with only a snickering few still shaking in their seats.
So, I intentionally chose to lay aside my own expectations of HOW God ministers to the hearts of his people, mine included, and tried to listen, with a biblically sensitive ear, keying in as first she, then her husband spoke, to various specific Bible passages with which I was familiar, (and I was chasing down the chapters and verses as they spoke to check what they were saying, did this or that really happen as they are saying?)....And I discovered that despite my familiarity, my "head" knowledge, there is MUCH I have not seen or understood in some of these well-worn paths in the pages of my Bible.
The preaching that followed began breaking up hard soil; we were freed to examine our own hearts, to recognize that we are commanded to HOLD FAST our confession, because we (like John the Baptist who sent messengers to Jesus to ask if he REALLY was the promised Messiah of God, Luke 7:18-35) are prone to LOSE our confession in a sea of doubt which is a thief (like also our own pride, or like our preconceived expectations of what it should look like for God to "show up" to his people) that seeks to steal genuine revival.
Still, we cling to the mercy of God, even as we know he pursues us, and speaks his word for our CONFIDENT EXPECTATION (just as Jesus sent a reassuring word back to John the Baptist) that he IS who he has said he is, and he will DO exactly as he has said he would do! And even now, Jesus intercedes on our behalf before the Father that we would persevere! Lord, we want YOU! and we want to see your glory, your name magnified to the ends of the earth! We want to see people RADICALLY transformed by your Gospel! Healed, delivered, set free, and turned into WORSHIPPERS for your name's sake! Halleluiah!
My mind still fights for dominance as my fledgling spirit and child-like heart are being quickened to a deeper hunger and thirst for the presence of God. This is not, despite (what I would anticipate would be) criticisms from a more doctrine-centric church-world, a battle which requires the surrender of the Word! Quite the contrary. Did I "agree" with every word the man spoke? Or that his wife spoke? Well, I'll answer that THIS way: My normal history has been to take my "discerning" (suspicious?!) ear and pick apart every wrong statement. But even as the preacher said of himself - eat the meat and, if there be any, pull out the bones. So last night, I listened instead for the "spirit" of what was being said moreso than perhaps the "letter" - because the SPIRIT was in the Gospel, and a heart cry for the salvation of lost souls and the glory of Jesus' name to the ends of the earth!
Perhaps there were a few small bones, but there was a lot of meat which nourished my spirit, increasing my expectations for this evening....
19 October, 2011
18 October, 2011
Made for a Greater Song
"WHAT IF" the text FOLLOWING "ever be filled with the Holy Spirit" in Eph. 5:18 is really Paul's explanation of HOW to be filled? Namely: "Speak out to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, offering praise with voices [and instruments] and making melody with all your ♥ to the Lord...."
"WHAT IF" this kind of music-making and singing with thankFULLness from the ♥ is NOT the mere "emotional self-indulgence" some of us have been told it is -
"WHAT IF" this is at least one of the very ways God designed us to COMMUNE with him in our spirit?
"WHAT IF" I had not "received" the seed of this rebuke when I was young - that I ought not be so emotional in singing my ♥ out in praise and worship, with full abandon!
"WHAT IF" that, then, wasn't as self-focused, as all about "me" and "my" feelings; but instead was, perhaps, a child-like expression of genuine hunger and a chasing after God? Is it any wonder, then, that now being given "permission" to SING FROM MY TOES! would begin to have a total transforming effect on my ♥ AFFECTION for God?!
"WHAT IF" the "proper" and "respectful" and "reserved" and "orderly" singing that I grew to treasure as oh-so-reverent (not that there isn't a place for it, but it is only ONE FACET of making music in our ♥'s to God!) was in fact one of the means by which the enemy was stealing the revival of MY ♥, and I didn't even know it?
"WHAT IF" I was made for a GREATER song....
"WHAT IF" this kind of music-making and singing with thankFULLness from the ♥ is NOT the mere "emotional self-indulgence" some of us have been told it is -
"WHAT IF" this is at least one of the very ways God designed us to COMMUNE with him in our spirit?
"WHAT IF" I had not "received" the seed of this rebuke when I was young - that I ought not be so emotional in singing my ♥ out in praise and worship, with full abandon!
"WHAT IF" that, then, wasn't as self-focused, as all about "me" and "my" feelings; but instead was, perhaps, a child-like expression of genuine hunger and a chasing after God? Is it any wonder, then, that now being given "permission" to SING FROM MY TOES! would begin to have a total transforming effect on my ♥ AFFECTION for God?!
"WHAT IF" the "proper" and "respectful" and "reserved" and "orderly" singing that I grew to treasure as oh-so-reverent (not that there isn't a place for it, but it is only ONE FACET of making music in our ♥'s to God!) was in fact one of the means by which the enemy was stealing the revival of MY ♥, and I didn't even know it?
"WHAT IF" I was made for a GREATER song....
22 September, 2011
Each Church has its own Family Culture
Idealistically, every church wd be "like-minded" w/respect to the Gospel. I realize that they aren't, but for our purposes, let's assume that the Gospel is the undisputed common denominator. (!)
Even if all churches were like-minded with respect to the salvation of Christ and Christ alone, they would, nevertheless, still each have their own "Family Culture."
Recently, it has been impressed upon me that there are at least three other things which I must consider when trying to decide to what church body I am being called to join myself. (And I'll admit, perhaps this is only a luxury such as here in west Michigan where there is a church on every street corner....)
1) Personality,
2) Mission,
3) Community.
A short word about each:
Personality - this is almost equivalent to a "style" question, but that's not all I mean by this. But at least this "corporate personality" has to do with formal versus casual, loud versus quiet. How do we worship? How do we outwardly express our love for God? How do we interact with non-believers both outside and in our midst?
By way of example, in my previous church, the "personality" is more formal, more with a view to the "reverent awe" of God and a more classical approach to the music style (I do not even mean by "classical" merely all hymns, but more like trained musicianship and a love for the polished, more cultivated endeavors whether choir or concert pianists, etc.) which has as its emphasis the offering of excellence to God. In my current church, the "personality" is much more FREE with respect to style - people stand, sit, dance, jump, have arms raised and faces lifted upwards, or sit with their head in their hands; the view is more to "expressive love" for God (which is widely acknowledged as a more subjective thing), and an eager hope to receive FROM him as we worship, which has as its emphasis the enjoyment of God's presence WITH his body.
Mission - this has more to do with the main forward thrust of the church. It COULD be related to Personality, if the primary "mission" of the body is "worship," for example. But I mean by this more - what is the main thing our body has a heart and gifting for? In my previous church, the main "mission" of the church was doctrinal excellence wrapped up with family ministry, so training up children in the solid, doctrinal truths of Scripture is a huge value, and thus the primary "evangelistic" thrust of the church takes the form of, for example, adoption ministries and short-term missions trips for teens with accompanying parents when possible. In the church body I've been attending of late, the main "mission" of the church seems to spring from a very vibrant "First Love" for Christ, so there is a hunger for street evangelism in our own community, and reaching out to the poor - and, in a way that touches me very deeply, this church is (as Paul said of the Macedonians) "giving out of their own poverty."
Community - This could also be perceived as a kind of style or personality thing, but by this I mean at least a couple different things, which again I feel constrained to explain (ooh, nice inner rhyme!) by example. In my previous church, the "community" is so family-centric, that there is a sense in which creating an interdependent community with one another in the body is a very small "felt-need" (unless, as I am, you happen to be single). How you meet one anothers' needs is first from WITHIN your own, immediate family. Only if you fail (mm, yes, I want to use this word) to meet your own needs, do you then reach outside where you will find ready, willing, and able other families who will help you. In my current church, the "community" seems to be far more about individuals coming together in a way that the BODY is the primary family unit, so there is a great emphasis on being intentional about cultivating the church family in thriving, small group get-togethers ("Life Groups"), where as perhaps an extension of the personality and mission of this particular body, these people are very proactive in engaging and ministering to one another. They don't wait for you to come to them with a need - they collectively listen for the Lord's leading and seek each other out to FIND ways to minister to one another. (I am not sure if I am drawing this distinction very well, but I can "intuit" the difference, and it is rather profound!)
So where do you (I) fit - how do you (we) line up?
I have a theory (and you knew I would, didn't you?) -
Were we in a geographical region where we didn't have the luxury of all the other "trappings" of what it means to be a church family, GOSPEL would be THE binding unity, and we would probably be far less likely to SEE other difference cuz we'd be fighting for the basis of our faith life. But as we DO, by God's grace, have the luxury of much more "peace" in our current setting, we have opportunities to grow and expand and explore and think and ponder (let's stay in the positive, for now ;)), and by virtue of not being on the front lines, we get to enjoy certain differences and distinctions - which, I hope to God, do not also divide us unnecessarily.....
In short, my theory is that these 3 things I've just mentioned would "fall away" in importance during times of persecution, and by God's grace it is precisely in seasons of such refining that the Gospel shines the more brilliantly and with a clarity that all true believers will unwaveringly cling to. But while we have the luxury of "exploring" our differences, I hope that they nevertheless do not detract us from fixing our eyes on Jesus, or loving each other well and in a way that honors God, but rather that such explorations would aid us IN these endeavors, as it is, after all, JESUS ALONE whom we are persuing!
I hope, to put it another way, that we are not erring on the side of merely loving God with all of our MIND and SOUL over this way, and all of our HEART over that way, and all of our STRENGTH over there....but that we would endeavor to love God with ALL of our mind, soul, heart and strength - in all ways, in all times, with all people, to the glory of God and the edification and beautification of his Body whom he has purchased by his own blood.
Thank you, Lord!
~L
Even if all churches were like-minded with respect to the salvation of Christ and Christ alone, they would, nevertheless, still each have their own "Family Culture."
Recently, it has been impressed upon me that there are at least three other things which I must consider when trying to decide to what church body I am being called to join myself. (And I'll admit, perhaps this is only a luxury such as here in west Michigan where there is a church on every street corner....)
1) Personality,
2) Mission,
3) Community.
A short word about each:
Personality - this is almost equivalent to a "style" question, but that's not all I mean by this. But at least this "corporate personality" has to do with formal versus casual, loud versus quiet. How do we worship? How do we outwardly express our love for God? How do we interact with non-believers both outside and in our midst?
By way of example, in my previous church, the "personality" is more formal, more with a view to the "reverent awe" of God and a more classical approach to the music style (I do not even mean by "classical" merely all hymns, but more like trained musicianship and a love for the polished, more cultivated endeavors whether choir or concert pianists, etc.) which has as its emphasis the offering of excellence to God. In my current church, the "personality" is much more FREE with respect to style - people stand, sit, dance, jump, have arms raised and faces lifted upwards, or sit with their head in their hands; the view is more to "expressive love" for God (which is widely acknowledged as a more subjective thing), and an eager hope to receive FROM him as we worship, which has as its emphasis the enjoyment of God's presence WITH his body.
Mission - this has more to do with the main forward thrust of the church. It COULD be related to Personality, if the primary "mission" of the body is "worship," for example. But I mean by this more - what is the main thing our body has a heart and gifting for? In my previous church, the main "mission" of the church was doctrinal excellence wrapped up with family ministry, so training up children in the solid, doctrinal truths of Scripture is a huge value, and thus the primary "evangelistic" thrust of the church takes the form of, for example, adoption ministries and short-term missions trips for teens with accompanying parents when possible. In the church body I've been attending of late, the main "mission" of the church seems to spring from a very vibrant "First Love" for Christ, so there is a hunger for street evangelism in our own community, and reaching out to the poor - and, in a way that touches me very deeply, this church is (as Paul said of the Macedonians) "giving out of their own poverty."
Community - This could also be perceived as a kind of style or personality thing, but by this I mean at least a couple different things, which again I feel constrained to explain (ooh, nice inner rhyme!) by example. In my previous church, the "community" is so family-centric, that there is a sense in which creating an interdependent community with one another in the body is a very small "felt-need" (unless, as I am, you happen to be single). How you meet one anothers' needs is first from WITHIN your own, immediate family. Only if you fail (mm, yes, I want to use this word) to meet your own needs, do you then reach outside where you will find ready, willing, and able other families who will help you. In my current church, the "community" seems to be far more about individuals coming together in a way that the BODY is the primary family unit, so there is a great emphasis on being intentional about cultivating the church family in thriving, small group get-togethers ("Life Groups"), where as perhaps an extension of the personality and mission of this particular body, these people are very proactive in engaging and ministering to one another. They don't wait for you to come to them with a need - they collectively listen for the Lord's leading and seek each other out to FIND ways to minister to one another. (I am not sure if I am drawing this distinction very well, but I can "intuit" the difference, and it is rather profound!)
So where do you (I) fit - how do you (we) line up?
I have a theory (and you knew I would, didn't you?) -
Were we in a geographical region where we didn't have the luxury of all the other "trappings" of what it means to be a church family, GOSPEL would be THE binding unity, and we would probably be far less likely to SEE other difference cuz we'd be fighting for the basis of our faith life. But as we DO, by God's grace, have the luxury of much more "peace" in our current setting, we have opportunities to grow and expand and explore and think and ponder (let's stay in the positive, for now ;)), and by virtue of not being on the front lines, we get to enjoy certain differences and distinctions - which, I hope to God, do not also divide us unnecessarily.....
In short, my theory is that these 3 things I've just mentioned would "fall away" in importance during times of persecution, and by God's grace it is precisely in seasons of such refining that the Gospel shines the more brilliantly and with a clarity that all true believers will unwaveringly cling to. But while we have the luxury of "exploring" our differences, I hope that they nevertheless do not detract us from fixing our eyes on Jesus, or loving each other well and in a way that honors God, but rather that such explorations would aid us IN these endeavors, as it is, after all, JESUS ALONE whom we are persuing!
I hope, to put it another way, that we are not erring on the side of merely loving God with all of our MIND and SOUL over this way, and all of our HEART over that way, and all of our STRENGTH over there....but that we would endeavor to love God with ALL of our mind, soul, heart and strength - in all ways, in all times, with all people, to the glory of God and the edification and beautification of his Body whom he has purchased by his own blood.
Thank you, Lord!
~L
Like Insurgents
Thank you, Lord, for your mercy! for your patience & the gentleness w/which you discipline (train up!) your children! Empower me to "put on" your love towards others, today.
You are an ENLARGER of territories!
Father, I pray you would continue to gain victory over the territories of my ♥heart♥ ~ You have conquered sin & death, but like Insurgents, they keep rising up as if to overthrow your good work.
Let me not again be subject to a yoke of slavery!
~L
You are an ENLARGER of territories!
Father, I pray you would continue to gain victory over the territories of my ♥heart♥ ~ You have conquered sin & death, but like Insurgents, they keep rising up as if to overthrow your good work.
Let me not again be subject to a yoke of slavery!
~L
Faith is No Objective!
Without faith it is impossible to please God, but "faith" is no OBJECTIVE!
Faith is the MEANS! and Christ is the END!
a) You say you desire faith? You must know what God SAYS; faith comes by hearing the WORD of God.
b) But what then? Faith is merely your taking God at his word! If you are not doing what he SAYS, how can you think you have faith? If you have not by means of it laid hold of HIM who works IN you to will & to do HIS good pleasure?
~L
Faith is the MEANS! and Christ is the END!
a) You say you desire faith? You must know what God SAYS; faith comes by hearing the WORD of God.
b) But what then? Faith is merely your taking God at his word! If you are not doing what he SAYS, how can you think you have faith? If you have not by means of it laid hold of HIM who works IN you to will & to do HIS good pleasure?
~L
09 September, 2011
Squeezed Out
I've long desired to return to school for my Master's degree - especially if said school could be a seminary or ministry school. Though I've recently had occasion to (again) reflect on the events in my life over the past couple years, and I see how the cumulative circumstances of my experiences have been a far more thorough "schooling"....
Experiences which have been exceedingly stressful, emotionally draining if not damaging, and have surfaced in every facet of life from work to church to friendships to family to trying to maximize my singleness for God's glory....
To borrow from some unknown someone, more clever than myself, I've been squeezed like a tube of toothpaste, and much of what has oozed out has not been a sweet aroma before the Lord. Nevertheless, I shall choose to be grateful that he continues to conform me to the likeness of Christ even if I go kicking and screaming in the process. :)
After all, if he squeezes it OUT, it is no longer IN me, right?? Let's hope to God. :)
Lord, let me be faithful, and never cease! to mortify my flesh, to always "be killing sin" so it is not killing me. By the grace of God. Thank you for your unceasing mercy and that you are slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love!
Experiences which have been exceedingly stressful, emotionally draining if not damaging, and have surfaced in every facet of life from work to church to friendships to family to trying to maximize my singleness for God's glory....
To borrow from some unknown someone, more clever than myself, I've been squeezed like a tube of toothpaste, and much of what has oozed out has not been a sweet aroma before the Lord. Nevertheless, I shall choose to be grateful that he continues to conform me to the likeness of Christ even if I go kicking and screaming in the process. :)
After all, if he squeezes it OUT, it is no longer IN me, right?? Let's hope to God. :)
Lord, let me be faithful, and never cease! to mortify my flesh, to always "be killing sin" so it is not killing me. By the grace of God. Thank you for your unceasing mercy and that you are slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love!
01 September, 2011
Deceived and Delighting in it
Recently, I had occasion to speak with a friend's dad - this man who has had a tumultous, even abusive relationship with his son from the beginning. I knew, going in, that this was possibly a demonized man, and so had prayed for discernment.
As he spoke, it was as if he had behind him a wardrober FULL of different spirits - all evil - so that he was actually switching from one to the next to the next, changing spirits like cloaks, savoring each one as he would take on a different form, even if only momentarily. The activity seriously resembled insanity as he worked himself into a lather by the end of the conversation, putting on verbally violent theatrics, yelling and screaming like it brought him some deep, perverse pleasure. Which, knowing my own indulgences and susceptibility to temptation, it probably did just that.
I could "see" the spirits, but perhaps more powerfully, I was able, in brief glimpses, to see through to the man who desperately needs Jesus' deliverance. Between "costume changes," I saw a shriveled, weak, frail, broken man, like a survivor of the Holocaust - HIDING behind these spirits because he thought they EMPOWERED him, though they really ensnared him. But he LIKED being their slave. (I suppose as we all once did, before we were given the Spirit of Christ....!)
I saw his deception, and I saw his delight in it.
I wouldn't, yet, have the first idea about how to reach him - but I have recently had occasion to re-read the story in Mark 9 where Jesus tells his disciples that "This kind cannot come out except by praying and fasting." I would need to wait wholly on the Lord to empower me if I am to speak to the man, again.
For now, I was grateful for the "discernment" - I had prayed to the Lord specifically FOR it, but then also needed a couple days AFTER the conversation to "see" clearly what had transpired.
It is a helpful reminder (one I'll try to note for future interactions in a similar vein) that I NOT be overconfident in my own powers of observation, but rather 1) ask the Lord to reveal, and then 2) ask the Lord to SORT the revelation and impress the TRUTH to my understanding.
I do not know if the Lord will yet use me in this man's life, but as for the man's son, my friend, the Lord enabled me (at least!) to comprehend, better, some of the complexity of the influence this abuser has been. My friend has been engaged in full on warfare for his OWN sanity as a result; and he has been trying to "lay hold" of Christ, though he always feels salvation is beyond his grasp. I know I cannot be his assurance, but I long for it for him, nonetheless.
Trusting in God's goodness, that He has promised He will NOT lose any of His own....
As he spoke, it was as if he had behind him a wardrober FULL of different spirits - all evil - so that he was actually switching from one to the next to the next, changing spirits like cloaks, savoring each one as he would take on a different form, even if only momentarily. The activity seriously resembled insanity as he worked himself into a lather by the end of the conversation, putting on verbally violent theatrics, yelling and screaming like it brought him some deep, perverse pleasure. Which, knowing my own indulgences and susceptibility to temptation, it probably did just that.
I could "see" the spirits, but perhaps more powerfully, I was able, in brief glimpses, to see through to the man who desperately needs Jesus' deliverance. Between "costume changes," I saw a shriveled, weak, frail, broken man, like a survivor of the Holocaust - HIDING behind these spirits because he thought they EMPOWERED him, though they really ensnared him. But he LIKED being their slave. (I suppose as we all once did, before we were given the Spirit of Christ....!)
I saw his deception, and I saw his delight in it.
I wouldn't, yet, have the first idea about how to reach him - but I have recently had occasion to re-read the story in Mark 9 where Jesus tells his disciples that "This kind cannot come out except by praying and fasting." I would need to wait wholly on the Lord to empower me if I am to speak to the man, again.
For now, I was grateful for the "discernment" - I had prayed to the Lord specifically FOR it, but then also needed a couple days AFTER the conversation to "see" clearly what had transpired.
It is a helpful reminder (one I'll try to note for future interactions in a similar vein) that I NOT be overconfident in my own powers of observation, but rather 1) ask the Lord to reveal, and then 2) ask the Lord to SORT the revelation and impress the TRUTH to my understanding.
I do not know if the Lord will yet use me in this man's life, but as for the man's son, my friend, the Lord enabled me (at least!) to comprehend, better, some of the complexity of the influence this abuser has been. My friend has been engaged in full on warfare for his OWN sanity as a result; and he has been trying to "lay hold" of Christ, though he always feels salvation is beyond his grasp. I know I cannot be his assurance, but I long for it for him, nonetheless.
Trusting in God's goodness, that He has promised He will NOT lose any of His own....
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